My Dairy

2011-07-17T15:00:00.000Z

Spare me.. This week has already been so tough...

2011-07-01T17:20:00.001Z

So tireddd and frustrated

2011-05-14T16:46:00.001Z

To you, I've done my best.
If you really love me, say you love me..

2011-05-08T05:52:00.001Z

Press on Alex, press on..

2011-05-06T16:52:00.002Z

Every time when I see someone in great need; my heart sunk, especially when I can't do anything at all.

One main factor that stopped me from helping is fear of attracting too much attention. Am a guy who don't like such attentions..

To me, helping people needs courage.
God, what is it that your showing me?

2011-04-17T15:03:00.001Z

It seems what you said really hurt me a lot..
Seems to you, am just those kind of guys.. I can't stop thinking about it.. The more I think about it, the more sad and frustrated I am..

2011-04-17T15:03:00.000Z

It seems what you said really hurt me a lot..
Seems to you, am just those kind of guys.. I can't stop thinking about it.. The more I think about it, the more sad and frustrated I am..

2011-04-17T11:53:00.005Z

Am really hurt, but
I can't and won't give up on this r/s

Perhaps I've really failed to be a good bf

2011-04-17T11:28:00.002Z

I can't always bottle up my feelings when you and I have a dispute. I know your hurt, your always insecure. And I've always been trying my best to reassure you. I've been really trying, its not easy, but I'll always press on for a love you. Since the day I chose you, am already prepared to accept your flaws. But am hurt too, I can't always keep quiet about how I feel for the things you said. I can't hide it anymore. The reason why I kept quiet was because, am afraid that if i express how i feel, you be even more insecure, so I kept quiet. But this can't go on forever.. It's not gonna work out in a long run. You've to understand my emotions too..

The things you said today really pierce my heart, though you may not mean it.. It really hurt..

I've always thought if I were to express my unhappiness it be selfish. So I kept quiet how i feel. I hope you will see this..

Your the bolster that I got it with all my love, how can I give up easily?
Hope you understand my heart...

There may a day you don't wish to talk to me anymore, but to let you know, I'll be there for you.

Ciao. Hope you get back to me with a smile =)

2011-02-15T13:29:00.001-01:00

I felt so useless..

2011-02-04T19:14:00.000-01:00

Why am I harsh in the way I speak?
Really sorry Bozo=(

2011-02-03T17:23:00.001-01:00

Why is there fury? Sigh.. After all that has happen, I just felt a sense of emptiness...

Also, sometimes, I don't know whens the right time to give assurance..

2011-01-18T16:21:00.003-01:00

When you said that you "sort of" like me, I was just astonished. Am not sure whether are you testing me to see I'll wait. If then, am really sorry that I scored a F9 for that. Somehow there was this sense of remorse. I kept thinking, did I gave up on you too fast? I don't wanna persist on something that will never work. I thought that you'll never like me; so I took a step back. But this time, I was wrong. I felt that I shouldn't persist; and thus I gave up. Cause the previous time I persisted(my ex), it didn't turn out well. If only I could understand what you were thinking at that point of time.

You've have the x-factor that attracted me to you. Your beautiful..

When you told me that, I'm already attached. It all too late...
Am sorry.

Turn back? How long are you going to wait? How are you sure that if I turn back, I'll really love you? I may just obliviously treat you as a spare..

2011-01-17T16:02:00.001-01:00

Why can't you just be yourself?

2011-01-13T17:22:00.000-01:00

Why must this happen when I already gave my heart?

2011-01-03T17:44:00.002-01:00

Never in my life, I had such an encounter...
On the low point of a roller coaster...

But I know, there's always someone I can rely on.. God I love you. Help us overcome this =) Am betting my all in you.

Love you too Bozo =)

2010-12-29T17:46:00.002-01:00

Love is something beautiful created by God. Love is like a double edge sword. It can cause great hurt and can cause unspeakable joy to a person's life.

Love is not just about BGR. It's something essential that we must have in life. Love for the people is important. Loving people brings joy to your life too. True love is like a lifetime devotion. It's essential because, we need it too. We need love and we give love - this makes us happy.

However love in a BGR is much more intricate and it often fails. Human are born of selfish nature. They all seek happiness from one another. If one of them fails to give another part the happiness he/she wants. Conflict arises - PS KHONG
I realize in a relationship, there must be a lot virtue. The virtues are "lifetime" commitment, empathy, magnanimity, patience, honestly, and of course mutual trust between each other. Love will be the key to bind all this together. Without love, there cannot be all of this virtues. Love, Faith, and Hope are essential in marriage and even BGR. I believe this is a relationship that I myself desires.

Love of impulse will never last. When you based things on feelings, its often very risky. Certain feelings don't last forever, and when this feelings fades is when the time a relationship starts to fall. Thus, make sure shes the right girl for you. Don't act too fast, give it some time to think about it. If not you will only end up ruining others' lives.

Another issue I want to talk about is patching back. Most of time is guys who ask for a patch. Frankly speaking, in general, guys are more impulsive. For example they do something wrong, then broke up. Probably because of their hard-to-change habits? Then they acted on moment of impulse. I believe that majority of the guys have more feelings for a girl after broke up. That's just my analogy. Then they ask for a patch. Then they do stupid things again. It's important for a girl to know what she wants. And not make carnal decision based on the anxiety of hurting the guy.

Love is really, a lifetime commitment. Are you ready?

2010-10-09T16:57:00.002Z

Indeed, I made a tough decision.. I had to break the ice. I feel its the best for us. It was quite a heartbreaking decision.. Am down and heavy with sorrow.. Crap, seriously.. Somehow I regretted it a lot. Looking on the another side, it's a good thing. Perhaps my mind and heart have never been clear. I might just hurt you in the end. I really hate myself for that. Am so afraid that am just in "substitution mode".

It's a tragedy for me that very little girl understands me. Probably the way I portray myself contradicts with who am really am.

I felt happy too.. That I can move on.. My priority now is studies. I can't be thinking bout this all the time.. Besides, I know vividly in my heart, it's not gonna happen, right from the start. No use holding on right? It be very selfish for me to keep clinching on you. I've to stop. Perhaps, in the next few months, we'll never talk to each other again. I am sure I really like you. However,am gonna make sure its - I "liked" you.

I've so many things I want to do. Going India and Cambodia. Taking my basic fitness course after the Os. Work. And lots of things basically. Really looking forward for the two overseas trip. I really love to touch the hearts of those kids. Their smiles melt my heart. I made a promise to those kids in Cambodia that I'll return next year. I suppose in a moment of impulsiveness I did that. However, I do not intend to break that promise.

The India trip really gave me a dilemma today. A HUGE one.. Am sorry I lost my cool. I just felt so oppressed.. However, I believe in God.

2010-10-05T07:58:00.000Z

Its time, to forget things.
I still have to move on.
Dont point clinging on to meaningless things

2010-09-29T13:27:00.003Z

Am really depressed.. When will it ever end? Deep down, there lies my true heart..
I hate my heart..
Am not as strong as I appear to be..

My blog is basically a emo blog. HAAA cause most of the time, I only blog when am upset.

2010-09-25T14:38:00.003Z

Indeed, it was I who perceived things in the wrong way.
Ain't your actions a paradox? Paradox? It may not even be a paradox. Perhaps its just the fact.

It's over...
It really takes two hands to clap.. Have you ever thought of the two sides?

Am indeed sorry

2010-09-10T18:41:00.000Z

Why can't you just realize what you've done.
Perhaps you did...

2010-08-27T18:17:00.002Z

It made me felt as if your toying with me, seriously. I chose to trust you. However, am really starting to doubt myself. Just can't not bring myself not to hate you.

Am not a toy... I can be there to help you or to administer to you or have fun. But am not a toy.

Such a retard seriously, totally spoilt my mood today and yesterday.

It seems to me you have found a guy. Good for you. Perhaps am just a standing platform for you..
However, I will forget bout you and MOVE ON. =)

My turn will come, let's see what God has plan for me.

2010-07-13T15:45:00.001Z

What a great disappointment.... Sigh....
The power of deception, is not to be underestimated.

2010-07-04T17:03:00.002Z

Don't want do, just say don't want. Don't keep giving uncertain answers and in the end nvr do. It's infuriating you know =.=" Am not so free to ask you to do this all the time. And i dislike to tell you this again and again.

People forgot what they wrote. Sigh... Indeed.
For your welfare I will keep trying.

2010-06-12T16:40:00.002Z

I am going to give you, what I plan to give you more than two years ago. (2-3)

Now I have to dig out. Probably it will take a long time to do so. Don't know where is it. Hopefully I can find it HAAA.

2010-06-01T16:22:00.001Z

So close, yet so far

2010-05-10T08:52:00.001Z

You asked me despite you know the answer, why?

2010-05-02T16:46:00.001Z

Heartbreak? I'm prepared for that.

I feel what you told me was not the truth.

If she's not for me, God, close the door.

2010-04-19T15:01:00.001Z

Looks like what u said two years ago is no longer valid.
oh well. disappointed

2010-04-18T03:58:00.000Z

If only the same thing we told each other was valid from two years ago..
To tell you, mine is still valid.
Maybe, yours is not valid anymore.

2010-04-18T03:55:00.000Z

Finally, I managed to get a first aid certificate! Hahaha!
Though I nearly failed the theory part..
Cpr is tiring!

I dont know what to do with you and with you too
Sorry

2010-04-15T12:25:00.000Z

Sorry, that my sms made u go =.="

Just don't wish to tell you the truth ._.

2010-04-05T12:07:00.001Z

Good Friday is over. Though it wasnt quite what I expected. But I was glad that I was given a chance to spread the gospel.
At least this good friday has let many people know that why Jesus died on the cross.

I pray for the best of all those who came.

I thank you all people for attending

Everything For the Greater Cause

2010-03-28T13:43:00.001Z

I'm damn excited for the TGIF!!! AM GOING ALL OUT FOR IT~

Go TC pray - 6pm to 10pm(Mon and Tues, or even Thurs)

That's all for now

2010-03-25T15:24:00.002-01:00

Seriously, let me get out it.
Let me get out of this situation.
Let me get out of this problem.
Seriously.

Am sorry bout it. But, I don't wish to cause anguish to another person who is totally innocent. I don't wish to ignore her because of you.

Am sorry ._.

2010-03-22T11:27:00.003-01:00

Finally, the end of the hectic hols =)

G12 conference basically was MIND BLOWING. I enjoyed it a lot. And I also learnt a lot. Being busy is fine ^^, but super tiring at the same time.

Thursday was rather relaxing, 630pm to 10pm
Sat and Sun was WOAH! 930am to 10pm O_O (AWESOME!) Time really flies in Max Pavilion!

Through the conference, my understanding towards God improved. My faith has definitely increased also =) 21 sessions of preaching really did me good. I still remembered majority of it, of course, the one i really feel impactful and important ones.

And i'm the only one who went for the whole three days of G12!
Thanks Narash for the warning. Since I attended everything, I'm the one who can get really confused and maybe backslide =_=

I don't believe in coincidence. After I begin to accept God in my life. I felt that God has helped me found the "puzzle piece". All I need to do is to accept his calling and the courage to do it. Because of this, I really "TALKED" to my neighbour for the first time! It was like OMG MAN! The story is long and personal. But I took the bold step to persist. For that, am really happy ^^. Its been eight years since we interacted. And for the last eight years, the way we interact is arguing LOL

Can't believe shes so smart O_O
3 points for O level, PAWN CANBERRA SEC LIKE NOTHING!!
She's currently studying in HuaZhong ._.

God, thanks for giving me the courage! I managed to confess to someone I "liked" before. Doesn't mean I hate her now or anything ._.
I felt a heavy load lifted off my chest =)
All because you spoke to me =)

Everybody thought I like this "girl"
Close, you can say. But in a mutual way =)
Just for info you people, none of us have to desire to advance further.

That's all for now.

2010-03-09T11:59:00.003-01:00

WEEEEEEEE! Chemistry test tomorrow ^^
Though sometimes I give teachers bad impressions; I'm not a bad person ^^
Though I bite, am approachable ^^
Anyway, today had a great work out =)

Sad to say, my holidays are rather packed with stuff ._.
Everyday have to go out AHHHHH.
This Friday to Sunday I got camp! Then Monday to Wednesday, STUPID SCHOOOOL. Lastly, Thursday to Sunday, G12 CONFERENCE WOOOOOO. ITS GLOBAL!

Sunday am free from 1pm onwards. Think I will spend this time to catch up with friends. Then Monday to Wednesday, I'm free in the afternoon. Then Thursday to Sunday am free in the morning to afternoon.

I'm pretty looking forward to the camp with Kenneth LOL. There will be no risk for our congregation to be interrupted HAH! Let's have a breakthrough man! This few weeks, never spend time to catch up with friends ._. Perhaps, its time ^^
Duck, let's be the "indirect savior" of our friends ^^
I do know how much risk we are gonna take. But, let's just charge in =)
The first step is always the big step. They might think we are crazy, just know, we are sane people ^^

Had been reading manga and chatting. Been long since I last played ^^ WOOO

For once, let me be a jerk. If you think I'm referring to you. Then be very sure your the person. Hate me, detest me, despise me and lastly, resent me.

Living my life with a higher level of magnanimity

2010-02-24T12:04:00.002-01:00

You know what?
Let me get over that fact.

But... Still...
SCREW
MY LIFE
AHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2010-02-19T13:20:00.000-01:00

Chinese new year always been typical.. But I watched alot of movies:-D.
Lightning thief to me really not nice. I find it quite boring actually. Then the little big solider still soso la. Jackie Chan really aged alot. He cant do much vigorous acts anymore:-(
I think the best is 14blades! I like the fight scenes. But wu zhun cant act. He looks very unnatural.. Wont go into details.

Been peaceful albeit the problems am facing. I have to admit it, but, its very hard to have a positive mindset.. Sometimes is just to escape from reality and makes you feel better.. Depends on what kind of person you are.

There will come to a point that people will disappoint each other. However, we do not merely resent or leave.
Especially in a relationship.
In order to be truly happy, one must have a certain amount me magnanimy. Imagine getting angry and upset at every single little thing. How can one be happy? Having enemies will only invite unbidden problems. Many times when something bad happens, majority of the people think negatively of each other.
Maturity doesnt
Comes with age. But the acceptance of responsibilities.

Hope people will be more magnanimous after reading it!

2010-01-28T11:54:00.003-01:00

Be it you know that i'm feigning ignorance or not.

Please don't breakdown. I know I that am being cold.
Sorry, I have my reasons.

Lastly, I feel like a jerk.

Depressed

2010-01-20T09:25:00.000-01:00

I'm depressed, very.

Trying to shut my mind off.

2010-01-19T14:41:00.002-01:00

Beginning to have repugnance for school a little.
Don't really understand Amaths. I hated maths since primary school.
In fact, I don't really have interest in all the subjects am studying now.
Plainly forcing myself to study :/

At least I still get to have lunch with friends and gym with duck.
Friends to sms when am bored during free lessons.

Putting academics aside, am still enjoying life after all!
Can't believe Friday am representing about the Cambodia Trip to the Sec3s.
Well, i feel that i will be probably talking to the wall. Who will want to listen to me present one. At least I should give my best despite whatever is gonna happen.

Nothing exciting for me to post about.

I hope your not lying to make me feel better at your own expense.

2010-01-16T13:53:00.002-01:00

Finally back to work. Dead broke after buying my phone.
I have work to catch up =.=" And I haven done them yet

Who knows I might miss Monday again ^^
Homework... Seriously don't have the mood.

Probably tomorrow I will be doing all my work. BORING!!!!
Holiday has been me good. Made me lazy~

Oh well, I just want this year to past quick. GET THE F*** OUT FROM CSS XD
I want to graduate and get into a JC so bad.

Lastly, I know my post is boring as I seriously don't know what to talk about ^^.

I will not regret, giving up on you. =)

2010-01-15T17:43:00.002-01:00

Working later and life still goes on.

I got quite a lot of work to catch up though. It's still manageable!

My O level results I think is awesome. Though I only took two subjects.
E.maths>A2
Chinese>B3(ITS A FREAKING MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Not retaking them. Means, I ONLY GOT FOUR SUBJECTS HAHAHA!
I will not regret not retaking them ^^.

I shall not think about you again.

Give Up

2010-01-12T11:05:00.003-01:00

After one year and four months, I have decided to give up.
There's no chemistry between us and I know it clearly myself.
I have hung on long despite that fact. But I am must say it's futile.

There's no room for development between us. It has reached to a pit stop.
Long ago I knew the outcome, I persisted.

Who knows, this might be a relieve for you :/
May the path never cross again.
I admired/liked you.

I waited for 1year and 4months. I guess, the endeavoring been for a naught

2010-01-03T06:08:00.000-01:00

WEEEEEEE. CHALET AT SENTOSA!!!!!

Wont be able to make it on the first day of school

2009-12-06T16:34:00.002-01:00

Finally off day =)

I've been enjoying my work, love it man. Mad and fun colleagues really made me enjoy working there. It's enjoyable albeit the hectic times. Today I also got to eat their food. Sitting down with colleagues and eating with them somehow soothed my mind ._.
I don't have anything much to say about my working place. Unlike JZ -.-"

What's your appraisal of me?

2009-12-02T18:26:00.003-01:00

Finally, I got a friend working with me =)
That's definitely a relieve for me XD HAHAHAHA.

Got a friend as a colleague really makes a different man. Working now it much more lively for me rahahaha! Not that I don't socialize with my colleagues. Just that, majority of the time we interact is just bout work =.=".

Broke a glass, apologized to boss. Boss said not to do it again. Love Boss =)
But sometimes accident are inevitable ._. Will try my best.
Just that the kitchen stuff seems somehow a bit unfriendly.
Perhaps that's the way they talk.
Today, scald my hand. One of the kitchen staff actually showed concern for me. He said, your hands more important than the soup. I'm touched >.< Think his name should be Tian ba LOL
There's this kitchen guy.. A bit fierce. It's giving me a oppressive feel lol.

Tried some of the food today. The BabyBack ribs was pretty fine. But i find the steak nice =D. Milkshake tasted like Macdonald's one. The Avalanche was not too bad.
Didn't know mash potato becomes solid when its cold ._. I'm such a big fool.

I hope I can get to work at the Bar soon.
Good luck on Thursday JZ
Saturday.... I'm working straight from 3 to 11. BLESS ME WEEE.
HAH NOT WORKING ON THURSDAY. SLACKKK WEEEEEEEEEE

SHOCKED! I JUST REALISED THE GIRL IN MY BACKGROUND IS HOLDING THE EXACT GLASS IN MY WORK PLACE.
Still find my life empty and sucky though ._.

2009-12-01T10:56:00.002-01:00

Days just pass by like nothing. I'm empty.

First thing first, i'm not a emo boy. Just pouring my thoughts.

You know what? I can afford to neglect other things. But I just don't know why your the one thing I can't forsake. I kept asking myself, are you really that important and significant to me. Many times I asked myself, am I lying? Frankly, I wish I am. Unfortunately, am not.
I feel like a big fool. It hurts so bad because it's all one sided.

If I take a step forward, I will definitely fall. However, I can't afford to be "stucked" here forever. It's either I take a step backwards or forward.
It's heart-wrenching especially I can't keep you off my mind.
You know it..

I wanna have a breakthrough. I'm not really enjoying life now. I just feel damn retarded. I wasn't like this.. Why did I care so much?

I just can't comprehend girls.

2009-11-25T15:49:00.008-01:00

I'm already caught up in a "complicated" situation. Yet, problems are never ending for me. And great, it just piled up and gained a few more steps.

Now, I feel am a .....
Life sucks for me now. But I will still continue to find happiness despite my circumstances.

I can't get you off my mind. I really wish for that to happen. When I'm watching anime, playing, working and exercising. I will always think of you. It became part of my life. Yet, I feel hopeless and "courageless" to confess. I know myself that it's not gonna be a reality. I feel so lousy every time i have to muster up courage to talk to you.

Love changed me without me knowing. Love can soothe almost everything(rather everything). Yet, it can be the most destructive weapon. Love is powerful. I'm blinded by love. You made me do things that I don't.

Worst of all, I shouldn't be thinking of you. When am already ...... Just what the FUCK happened to me.

Determination breeds success. Sounds wonderful right? My ass. The success rate is never 100%. And something can't be forced. They always made it sounds so wonderful. In reality, endeavoring doesn't mean you can succeed. Reality is wonderful right? But i somehow agree that nothing is impossible, just the "amount" of possibility" Endeavoring does increase the possibility. But never to 100%. This life. Accept it.

I'm drifting away from you.

Hey good friend, now I'm landing on the same boat as you. WEEEEEEE
Grats to you and me =)

I have to make decision on which path should I go. When I choose a path, I wish to lose the other path. Landed myself in something so gay..

I hope this two paths will form a single path.
I have never expected this thing to happen.

Now, am pondering and pondering. It's heart wrenching.. I hope to keep you company when your bored. Please let it stay that away. Majority of the time, I'm thinking about talking to you.

I have already loose the girl whom I loved once.. I don't wish to loose the second girl..

You don't need to be pretty or intelligent. I just want you to have a authentic heart. Kind hearted.. A loving heart.. Last but not least, the feelings I have for you. I like you.. And I want nothing but you to be my girlfriend. I don't care about what I wanna buy now.. I don't care about your history. Having you by my side, its as good as having everything in this world. My feelings are authentic towards you.When will I get the chance to say this to you? And its growing stronger. It's so strong now that is "palpable". It's tangible...

Will I?
Are you happy?

I'm sometimes sick of putting on a facade. But I don't wish to be the real me..

2009-11-14T09:57:00.003-01:00

Going Cambodia tomorrow. Won't be back for a week or so.
Life's been typical and monotone.

Green Ape... You hor..
Hopefully you will sms me. I will be waiting till 12am.
Hope you will..
Hope you will sms me if you can't make it. At least i can plan my schedule.
Hope you don't forget bout it totally :/
Anyway, played American Football today. It was "GAY". "Wei Kien", big sized and HEAVY. No way i can use brute strength to get my way through. I got past him a few times though. But majority of the time.. I need more brute strength. Soon..
Its fun and abit abit dangerous. Everytime when i managed to get past him, SK already passed the ball ._.

Hope I don't die there ._.
Bored... AHHHHH

To anonymous,
Bye and enjoy your vacation.
Be beautiful, always.
Because you are.

2009-10-21T05:47:00.002Z

AHHHHH O LEVEL WEEEEEEEEEE!
I'm pretty looking forward to it.
Emaths=A1/A2. Hopefully, shouldn't be a problem for me =)

AND HOORAY. 16Nov= GO CAMBODIA. SO FUN!!! GO ORPHANAGE OMG. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Hyper-ventilating ._. I don't know am retarded a not. But going to places like orphanage makes me happy.

And yea, i got a job at Tony Romas. Thx lewis for lobang =)

Can't wait for maths to be over. AHHHH TIME PLEASE PASS FASTER
And my godlike calculator cant be used in O level. GREAT..
Because it can integrate/differentiate/matrix/vectors/engineering mode and stuff.
And i bought it without consider that fact.
Bo bian, have to borrow from Mr Lathif.

And Miss Loh seems to be especially happy today. She can't be sad. We always give her trouble. So i guess shes so hyped up today. HAHA! Don't need go find my comprehension le(I found it though) She 100% won't chase me for it already hehe XD
Then she gave everyone a present. Cool... She gave me a "horizontal" clipboard. And wrote personalized messages for everyone. I was half in doubt when I saw what she written =.=" Too good to be true MAYBE.

Why must people be so presumptuous at times? Its really irritating... And I don't know how to react to it. It made me weird LOL. Ah whatever.

Seriously, do you really mean so much to me? It made me stress and depressed. Seriously, why am I so..... God if its possible, make me forsake this. Yes, I truly fancy you. But it's not gonna happen. So, lemme forget but I cant bear to.

2009-09-10T19:55:00.001Z

Life been too simple. Plain plain plain plain. No worries.

But I've not experienced true happiness for a long long time.

Please end all this naivete. It might be a delusion. I bet you seen a lot too.
Ask yourself. Are you being manipulated or? Don't you say you despise ________s?
Why are you contradicting yourself? I can't help but to have a premonition. I guess its sooner or later. The choice is yours, I have no right to control you. Please choose wisely =) As you know I really really seriously loathe and despise guys who ___________________________________________________________________________________.

Time for some soul-searching. Giving up might be a good time after all =) Since people are all so busy preparing for exams. I guess I shouldn't. I don't wish to disrupt her life =.="

I don't wanna feel stupid ._.

2009-08-31T06:56:00.000Z

I'm drained out.

Really drained out. So far so good. Happy with my life and exams results. But something vital is missing ._. Which I seriously intend to gave up long ago.

Losing this vital part in my life is a big "devastation". To some extent, life really sucks =.="

I'm dead bored. I'm really vexed. Oh great, mum forced me out. I really really really dislike having dinner with ___. The extreme awkwardness. Sigh. My day just got taken away like that =.=". At least let me freaking enjoy myself for today. I'm tired, really tired. _l_ Screw off

Really really fucking* vexed. Just wanna go out.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I'm drifting further and further away~~~~ If only someone can empathize with me ._. That's all I need. People don't understand me and say things that hurt me =.=" All the people around me does that, great to say.

Guys are much more emotional than you think to be =/ Sometimes I don't really project myself well. That doesn't mean that's the real me with no esteem and dignity. Who doesn't have man. I'm actually much more mature =.='

为什么要爱的人如此痛苦? 我想忘了你,
但我不能.
我真的很讨厌我的生活.
我只能说,我喜欢你.
我真的很喜欢你.
但我觉得,这是不可能的.
放弃, 是一个很难的事情.
我恨我自己,没有用.
我真的很痛苦.
如果我放弃,如何做到这一点?
爱你,是很愚蠢的事.
我真的很愚蠢.
除非你掴我,说你恨我.
现在,我无所求,只是想看到你,这将是
足够的. 我不想回家.
明年将不会看到你在学校里,我害怕,我将无法再次见到你.
我祝你一切顺利.

2009-06-27T20:46:00.000Z

Girl, get well soon.

You always intrigues me. Always.

2009-06-14T04:25:00.002Z

I'm not a 100% express students, will she mind? And that's just one factor. Maybe there's no room for any development in the first place. I wanna get out from this. It's pressurizing and damn scary.
It's hard to say when my feelings are already so strong. What if really FAIL? Am I gonna live my lives in agony? Come on, BRACE UP. That's life.

Hah, completed my bear.. (Post photos next time) I rushed for the night. The eyes make the "bear" look like a freaking mice. OMGOMG. So I cut out heart-shapes to replace. And it seriously look better. Then I find it too plain. So I cut out "HJ" and sew it on the bear's abdomen. After that's completed, I think its still too plain. So I cut a cape out(WOOAH I DIN KNOW I CAN DO IT). Wrote some wordings. I'm noble enough to write Big-Bang. Though I felt so inferior. But its her. I have to compromise such "superficial" things for her. Should I had gave it to her personally? But I chose to get joey as a medium. Then I asked my sister to helped me buy some straws. And I did the straw hearts. Then wrote some notes for her. Which a sentence that will give her a hint that I like her. "First time doing it for a girl. I'm still a amateur at sewing" I don't know she catch it a not.

I chose to have faith instead of hopping. I feel that its better hah!

When I see that your sad, I'm confused. Should I talk to you? But I chose not to, perhaps tomorrow. I felt so useless... How can I soothed those feelings of yours? Your msn nick tells everything man. Yet, I did nothing.
Alex your shit.

Whether your a mediocre or whatever to others. I will always have this mentality that your beautiful. Perhaps, the power of love. Blinded? People can say bad things about you. But I will never chose to believe.

I hope that you will be happy soon.
Your beautiful and too hope that you smile more. Cause you look damn cheerful and cute. Furthermore, smiling will make you happier.

I hope that I'm someone you can turn to. But frankly, I don't think its gonna happen.
It really hard to say, when I already like you so much.

2009-06-14T03:54:00.002Z

It's been so long since I last post.

Reformat com and my brother is always using the desktop. Can't find any privacy to post =.=". Since his out today, HAH I CAN POST.

I think this gonna be a long post.

Mid-year results, not too bad. At least I came in second in class :)
However, I still have much remorse. My Amaths is a "complete" catastrophe - Can you imagine copying the question wrongly?? GOSH!!! MY FREAKING A AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Perhaps I'm too dramatic. As for English, I freaking screwed the comprehension. Did not get the highest for English. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~ But hah, the only A1 in Geography 8D. Top for Humanities :) Prelims, my last chance to get first.

So many times happened...

Goodbye Grandma, may my prayers work. It's agonizing, when your engulfed in flames.
I never had a good sleep.. That's how it feels to be in your Grandmother's wake.
I don't know superstitions is true a not. I never sleep for the whole day before the cremation and coffee can't save me. Ok, not gonna take about it anymore.

Damn Alex Ong! You took my Thumb-Drive say Tuesday return but NEVER :( I can't post my PHOTO AHHHH. Nevermind next time. Cause I don't wanna use my phone usb. I'm lazy.
My Thumb-Drive like always lend people to load games and etc =.="

People that get hook by Maple in a day simply disgust me.(No offence) And its very irritating when people just start a conversation on Maple. The others got to entertain that particular person. Well the mouth is yours, I have no right to do anything. Your "freedom of speech". And I'm beginning to suspect your actually lying to me on Saturday(13June2009). So, I chose to believe but with the expectation of you lying to me. So I won't be shocked or astounded when your actually lying.

Sometimes I just get so irritated by the people around me. Thus, I'm offensive. You said those girls are prostitutes. Then I said those are your daughters, then your freaking unhappy. What the FUCK is this man? If you hate people criticizing or say anything bad, then don't fucking do it. It seriously piss me off man. Ha, I told myself I'm capable enough to contain my feelings.

And this particular guy from the express. I don't know whether is it your innate ability or attributes. He keep giving me this particular face that I offended him =.=". I don't know is it because of the Sport Fest Basketball. I'm not even qualified to be an amateur =.=". Too "noobish" to play basketball.

Ha Thanks Uncle Qiang for guiding me :). Hope to see you the next time I go.

Why am I always not my true self...? This is so weird . I just realised not long ago, I seriously lacks self-confidence when it comes to girls. I don't have the impetus in me. Thus, no courage =.="

What gonna happen to me next year..? What _____ said gave me a good and bad feel about it. Is it want to avoid? Or considering....?(Which I'm not sure, don't wanna put hopes high.)

2009-05-14T04:50:00.006Z

Mid-Year finally over. Somehow, I'm not really happy about it for the first time.

My class's ethos has empowered me to study =.=" 4EN class of geeks, haha! But I'm not proud to be a geek though. But anyway, THANKS LOL!

Despite endeavoring so hard, the results turned out to be an irony. 7 Passes for Amaths paper 2 :(. Fortunately, I'm one of them. Chinese can fuck off~(Stupid Y-Yi-Dai) Bullshit!

I'm beginning to think my life is a boredom besides concentrating on my objectives.
The bear stressed me like siao. The body why so small... I resew still the same. WTFFF!@!@! NOOO!@!@! I only got 20days left to 4th June. I'm going crazy~ But I'm confident of completing it. Or not its belated liao ._. First time sewing a bear for a girl =.=" IRONIC =.=" The head also a bit uneven.. Have to put the words in Grey since. she likes Grey.
Girl, you changed me

I'm beginning to think that "love" made me more self-centered. Glad I realised. Mr lathif told the class that 6passes for Amaths Paper 2 in class 4E2. I just thought of you. I wanna get this mindset off me. I seriously hope you pass... And all my friend's in 4E2. You told me when you got no motivation to study. It kind of stress me.. OMG! Why the hell I worry so much for? That's me ._.

Currently enjoy doing
1: Exercising
2: Going out
3: Cooking Italian Dishes - Pastas - Soups and ETC Cooking pesto type soon :)
4: Music - Guitar. More hope in Guitar. Drums not my type.
5: Enjoy talking - Especially talking to you
My life is too plain... What's the remedy? There's no need to worry I guess. You filled out 5/8 of my life. Approximation.

Somehow I think my English this time gonna suck big time =.=. When I got such a "teacher" to indoctrinate students. If I pray, will it be a BLASPHEMY? Antagonism can spark off so easily when I freaking attend your class. *I'm glad I controlled myself* Adults are always correct? FUCK THAT PHRASE _I_. If that's true, the whole society will be in pandemonium. Sometimes it's quite exasperating.

I can't help but to treat _ _ _- _ _ _ _ as something MONOLITHIC. (Jz and Ken) You know it. It became international. That's so "fucking" ironic. I'm like nothing la..:(

Darshen, I'm surprised you accepted me to REPRIMAND YOU. LOL So many ironic things happening.

I'm glad those arcade girls ain't talking about me anymore. *Relief*

Girl, it is hard to woo you. Its unfathomable. I have been given many test. I call that "authenticity". When it's hard, I'm put to a test. I'm curious to see, how much I "like" you. I guess is a lot. But I'm not convinced by myself alone. If I fail, I don't think I "like" you "very much". Girl, know what? I been endeavoring and persevering HARD. Despite what _ _ _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ _ told me. That caused me to have "insomnia". I yearn to tell you that I seriously "like" you. But not when I haven pass my own test of authenticity. Everytime I encounter a obstacle, I'm put to a test. I can't say love when I haven show it yet. I have fallen for the imperfect you. You attracts me. Even saying I love you can show love. Argh, guess people won't understand. It may be contradicting, but its not.

So I intend to wait till NEXT YEAR. If I can't wait, I guess. I don't meant what I said after-all. But I'm afraid that waiting too long might be a bad thing too. What happens if.. you got a boyfriend by then? It's so hard to make decisions.. I don't think my mind is set on this. This whole thing might be a catastrophe..

Sewing can be dangerous. The needle went into my inner nail fresh. Lucky the needle is not really sharp. Or not it will have pierced my inner nail flesh. I'm blessed. OUCH. I got poked a few time though, HAHAHA! Hope my inner flesh don't get pierced by the needle. It hurts a lot. I bleed-ed a few times =.=" Fortunately, its not really sharp. BUT STILL BLEED :(

2009-05-09T19:04:00.004Z

Two close friends. Close relationship. What lies ahead may be insurmountable disappointment, sadness and hatred. It seems to me that, the more closer two friends are. Conflicts usually are more major. Through my analysis, I supposed that both party did not really think that will have any conflicts. Second, he/she thought her/she friend is "like this". However, to his/her disappointment. Due to some scenarios or circumstances. His/Her friend did not turn out to be what she thinks. Maybe he/she thought that their friends is good. But due to some INCIDENT they don't think their friends is good anymore. Both parties will have the same impression and feelings. The closer and better you are with someone, conflicts can spark off more seriously. The amount of "hurt" inflicted on both parties is tremendous.

When such things. Do they really reflect on their actions? And think why the others parties is like this or did this? There are always obligations. He/She might have her own reason(not selfish reason) People tend to make mistakes. There is imperfection in this world. World is full of "complications". Hatred and Sadness is "extremely" delusive I must say. The insurmountable Hatred and Sadness can cause you to get manipulated by it. You think your seriously consciously and stable. But you might not be.

Bad things happen, people always think negatively first and naturally, be more "presumptuous". I believe that, this how conflicts are started. The anger in them, urge them to flare up. Because, feelings are EXTREMELY delusive. So take a step back, and reflect on yourself. That's the most important. I supposed that its more of a miss-communications, a slight ideologist difference in how friendship should be like and misunderstanding. Be optimistic? Well with very conflict, the friendship is put to a test. This test is to see how much they understand both parties and how much they really treasure this friendship. You might say you treasure, but in reality it can be a delusion. If they pass the test, friendship can get stronger XD. ("Naivete")?
That's the irony.
So, do you think its really as bad as you think to be?

I used to be like that. I let my feelings delude me. During p6, I'm vociferous, truculent, megalomaniac, stupid, immature, lazy, hopeless, very unfit, fat and ugly. If you guys ever see my p6 ez-link card, girls will run away =.=". Luckily, there's a TRANSFORMATION! Just like handsome suit LOL.

Well, you intrigued me too much. I guess I'm inquiring too much. Sorry!

If both party really cherish this friendship. I feel that will be fine soon :)

Why are humans not perfect? They succumb to temptations.

2009-05-02T18:41:00.005Z

Okay, I shall get serious on this. I have no idea whether is it wise to tell you so. But if you ever read this post, it might be a blessing.

I'm pretty sure that you knows how to maintain a equilibrium between School and love Albeit it is hard to get over it, a stronger dosage "might" be
destructive.

Because I used to be like you. I'm not sure whether your conscious and clear enough to know that what your going for is true love. Not long before I realised, I wasn't happy at all. I kept thinking back of my "ex".(Might) You seriously have to revise your steps/objectives solemnly. It might change your "idiosyncrasies" in a negative way for life.(Might change is possible, but for life is quite impossible.)

Do you get the same feeling as before for the her? If not you seriously better think VERY CAREFULLY. Your first girl might not be a true love. Or the other way round.
But I can see that its true love.

Well, when I love someone. Everytime I see her, she raptures my heart. Her smile can make me go bonkers. Talking to her is better than playing any computer games or etc. Everyday your close to her, you get bit of nervous and disoriented. Yet, you yearn to talk to her so badly. Lastly, I seriously like the smile of her. It's priceless but yet so precious.
Your anger,sadness or whatever bad feeling your having at the point of time. Seeing her smile can really assuaged/soothed those feelings.

So dude, what's yours? You understand yourself the most. I believe you won't get delude by emotions.

Rest assured I won't spread. Cause I have too any obligations to do so.
Like - Trust is very expensive and it can't be bought with money. I want people to be able to trust me. I want to give people assurance. I do not want to be a liar. I don't want to lose something precious.
Thus, I will not succumb to temptations.

But I must say that dating can change you. It might make you more femine. More concern for looks. It can just make you a more "superficial" person. Like - "superfluous" touch-up of your hair and etc.

Yes your right. Too much trust is also not good. However, it will hurt the girl if you sort of inquire so much. It's best not to do so.(That's what I feel) You fear that she might abuse/exploit the trust. But by checking on her is not a good thing too. If she truly loves you, she will not exploit the trust you have in her.(Some situation she might have no choice.) When bad things happen, people always think negatively. "WHAT? YOU EXPOILTED THE TRUST I HAVE IN YOU" In unforeseen circumstances, she might have obligations to do so. 1: For the well-being of ________
2: If she don't she will GET INTO DEEP SHIT. And because of people always thinking negatively, they make stupid assumption. If she REALLY REALLY exploit the trust you have in her, you can decide on what to do afterwards. Cause I also don't know what to do.(Frankly) The aftermath of such a scenario often leads to break-up. Because one just can't think more rationally, thoughtfully and further. Well, partly cause of WE HUMANS AIN'T "OMNISCIENT". By restricting her movement and freedom, will not make her happy too. In a relationship, both party must be happy. Unless she alone go with a GUY THAT YOU DON'T KNOW to a chalet? Then I seriously will get damn worried. 1: Is the guy decent? 2: Will she get raped? Ridiculous yet prone to happening kind of stuff will struck our mind. I also don't know whether to agree to let her go a not. You won't one anything bad to befall on her right.

Relationship conflict can be resolved if they truly love each other and they trust each other. Lastly, all the values in love must have. Like, commitment, trust, willing to sacrifice,understanding, respect and lastly optimism.

At least, your different from typical teenagers now. Many relationships are not authentic now. (In our age range)

Verge of "Extremis"

2009-04-28T16:59:00.006Z

I was actually going to bed after using the computer. But when I spoke to you in msn you did not reply. "I told myself your probably busy mugging and etc." But I felt that in you, you did not really bother about me. Blogging makes me feel so relieved for some reason. I can post my worries and dilemmas here.

I think that we are getting more and more estranged. Sometimes you reply and sometimes you reply. Talking to you has been part of my phobia. For I fear that you did not reply me. I'm just so afraid and anxious every time. Is this the power of love? Love is so powerful. It can makes you compromise your safety and well-being just to ensure that she's happy. You can say I'm fucking crazy now. You will understand when you love someone this deep. The feeling is overwhelming. Just saying "hi" to you can make my day. I love your smile.. Its the remedy/medicine to all my stress and dilemma. For I know, you still have some acceptance in me. I brace myself up every time to talk to you. I just want to see the smile of you so much. Though its priceless, but its precious to me.

Mid-year is coming. I wonder how am I going to suffer in the hall for my Chinese and Maths. Every time I saw you, I can't be myself. When you don't reply my message, you make me so upset. Guess I don't stand much hope.

Love, please stop tormenting me. It's driving me into a "frenzy" mode.

Jia Zhen, perhaps your right. My naivete, sigh. It's just a drug. But this dosage is extremely high.

I just wanna shout out loud. To drive away my worries and dilemma. At this point of time, I shouldn't be thinking of you. But is just so great. I'm so afraid of rejection.

You must not be the most beautiful, affluent, intelligent and cutest to be my girlfriend. I have fallen for the imperfect you. Will I ever get the opportunity to get to say I love you? I have no idea how to prove my love and authenticity to you. Even if I did. You don't fancy me, its so futile. Furthermore, will you despise a EN? I doubt you will accept me though. And that makes me suffer from insomnia. I cant sleep right now(1.18am)

You possess the power to drive me crazy.
You possess the power to make me on cloud-nine
You possess the power to empower me despite the "prevailing circumstances"
You possess the power to boost my confidence
You possess the power to rapture my heart.
You possess the power to assuage the insurmountable amount of stress and agony in me.

So what can I do for you?

True love is doing whats best for the person. Not just possessing her. If I can be your source of security and happiness, I guess I am contented enough already. Albeit I may not have you.

It will definitely be a blessing to soothe you when your down.
It will definitely be a blessing to cheer you up whenever your angry and upset.
IT will definitely be a blessing when I'm there to lend a listening-ear and share your burdens and dilemmas.
It will definitely be a blessing that you will come to me when your down. Probably _ _ _ is a better medicine for you.

So what am I to you? You already know that I like you.

All About Us - Tatu
Talking to you as a friend, is already a blessing itself.

Guess what, you replied my message (1.27am) I AM HAPPY!!!!!! HYPER-VENTILATING. However, your reply is getting more and more apathetic. Since you replied, I couldn't ask for more. But your replies just got and more and more "content" in it. It raptures my heart so much. I realised I'm too paranoid? AHAHAHA
Now I have the impetus to study again. OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE POSTED LONG ENOUGH!

Jia Zhen, I realise what is true happiness and blessing now. Thanks to you.

2009-04-19T12:51:00.004Z

Oh great. First thing first - fuck mid-year. Second - fuck that I don't know how to sew. Third - fuck that Mid-year Chinese is go close to her bday. It seems like i got one month plus. But considering the fact that my schedule will be super-duper-uber occupied. I don't have much time. Man.. I CANT SEW!!

I already planned the template for the bear liao. Seriously need to chiong sia.. I don't care if I need to burn midnight oil. I don't fucking care I get "poked" by the needle how many times. I JUST WANT IT TO BE DONE! I will forsake my entertainment and everything to get it done before my O' Chinese. Well, actually is quite entertaining LOL. Just can't really go out nia.

My sister... OMG. HOW DO YOU KNOW? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ NOOOOO~~~~~ SHITT~~~~ FAG!

Well, enjoying being single right now. Single so fun.. But without some commitment, it may not be fun at all. Lack purpose in life. Well, considering the fact that I'm still 15+. Apparently is just not the right time >.<

And ________. Why do you keep talking to me now? You freaked me out. Weird. We like so cold towards after the ______ ___. Then during the rehearsal when you sit beside me. You just suddenly talked to me. Scary...

Now I'm granted the wish I wished for a year back. That's too bad.. Now I don't wish to have it anymore. I have learn to accept my new life. Yet, I'm brought back in the past. The feeling is not there anymore. How ironic. My life is made so difficult is depressing for me. True bliss, is not you. True bliss is her.

And last Tuesday, a girl freaked me out. 7plus in school. Zhong Hsun and me were doing Amaths. Suddenly Xue Qi. Want me to meet this girl. I dont wish to say anymore. Don't wanna give the impression that I'm buay hial bai. Sigh. Things you yearn for are so hard to get... Albeit you endeavored, you might not succeed.

I don't wanna "invite" you in a relationship yet. I wanna test myself first. To see how much I truly love you. To judge my authenticity. If I can't pass my own test. I rather be single. This shows that I failed. Meanwhile, I will let you know that I still like you. After all, academic is also important. I will wait till after your O'. I will wait. Lastly, I don't wish to let people misconstrued that I'm a despo. And I'm clear and conscious to know that I'm not a despo. I won't die without a girl.

God, perhaps let me like/love no one.

2009-04-16T10:50:00.006Z

For all the while, I think am in naivete. I always thought your luckier than me. However, contrary to my thoughts. I'm indeed more lucky than you. Well, I guess thats life.

You gave me a wake up call. Am I really seeking for true love? But I seriously feel damn shiok when talking to her. Just felt that she's "rapturing" my heart Just no freaking idea. The best remedy to my emotion dilemmas. I will stop whatever I'm doing just to text her. Neglecting my objectives, etc.

But friend, you deterred me to do what I want. So dude, should I treat this as a delusion? Persist in my own so called "beliefs". So dude, how strong is my beliefs? Don't care her anymore?

Please don't spread thx.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ah well, I DON'T WANNA THINK ANYMORE. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT JUST MAKE ME EMO FOR LIKE ONE-THIRD OF THE DAY. GIVING ME THE TENTATIVES TO LEAVE SCHOOL. I WANNA SCREW THE LIFE I'M HAVING RIGHT NOW~ I'm so scared and anxious of rejections.. I don't wanna like a girl like this.. Though I'm not a guy who just want to get into a relationship for "fun". Lastly, I'm not a despo. I don't take any girls I don't like as my girlfriend. Why can't you be like some other girls that comes to me?

Perhaps God wants me to strive for it. Fear is my nemesis. God embrace me with your grace and guide me with your light and holiness. Please, I need the morale and courage. I'm praying to you God.

(If you read you should know that I'm referring to you)Sorry friend... I can't help or advise you much. That's all I can do to help. Cheer Up. I won't ask to let you reminisce about the past. Your blog tells all. Though other people can't tell. Accept it man.. (This shows that she's not your Mrs.Right) But I can be a councilor XD. I don't know whether my advice can help you much. Lastly, be friends. Better than losing a friend.

Perhaps the things I can do to make me stop having such a painful life.
1: Go gym - intensive training.
2: Learn to cook pasta.
3: Learn to play guitar.
4: Get better in my academic.
5: Get a new life.
6: Find new hobbies.
7: Don't Emo!

I have feelings towards you for 6months.

2009-04-11T04:33:00.003Z

Nafa test wad sad.
2cm more to 5As.. NOOOO. SIT AND REACH 43... A is 45 NOOO~!~!~!~!~!~!~! :(

Statistic
_________
Sit and Reach - First attempt - 43 - B :( † Second attempt - 39 - WTFFFFFFF !@!@!@!
Yan Hui first:43 second:47 Gratz.
Shuttle Run - First attempt 10.46 - C :( † Second attempt 9.68 - A :)
Pull-Up - First attempt 10 - A :) Its more than that, but Mrs Teo say not counted :(
Second attempt 13 - A :) Actually 15. But two never above chins :(
Yong Kiat - 17. Sad you can't reach 21
Standing Broad Jump - First attempt - forgot. † Second attempt - 253 :)
Sit-Ups - Only one attempt - 50. Lazy do more.

Sigh. Shattered Dreams of obtaining 5As. Well forget it, I already secured a gold :D
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, Mid-year coming. Nuuu D: SADDDDDDD. No time to get distracted.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hyper-ventilating Jia Zhen. You succeeded. Mine.... Not even secured in the first place. GRATZ DUDE!
_____________________________________________________________________________________

To ruffians - All of you motherfuckers. Ya think preying on the weak is fun? I'm telling you guys its a ignominy. High caliber of ignominy is what you guys are. What a hilarious joke. Got courage come alone la. Need your dog companions with you? Dogs - you ruffians source of courage? Fuck off _l_ Don't come and "Zi Siao" my friends. They ignored you cause they are decent people. Don't ever get on my nerves. I'm different. Albeit I don't resort to physical violence. I'm not the person you know in school. Depending on the circumstances, I may not be magnanimous.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

2009-04-04T19:46:00.003Z

Your the source of my tentative to leave school.

No idea I'm paranoid a not. But i feel that your beginning to be more apathetic to reply my messages.

Usual, hanged out with jz, ken and company. Slacked. Played frisbee. Don't have the mood with me though. Can't get back my usual mood. Shesh, its getting way too destructive for me. Seriously need to change my mentality~ Its sorta insidious.
Somehow, endeavoring seems to be useless.
At least JZ is better than me.. Kinda jealous though =.="

Every time you intrigues me, no matter how small the thing is.
Seriously, why am I attracted to you? (It ends here)
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I just can't play drums.. Seriously suck at it. Need to find something to occupy my mind besides reading and playing.

Saturday, food-court. Tissue paper on table. Some auntie used it to "chop" place. Then she approached us and said its her seat and went back to the stall. Then like buay song. Nvm, we find another place. Then Kenneth suddenly took out the tissue. HE TOOK IT.(not with ignorance) Then some other people settled down. Then "she" came back and said its her place. But cannot find her tissue so she had to sit somewhere else LOL. Feel kinda bad. But use tissue to chop abit _________(speechless)
"Teach her not to chop table with tissue"(By Ken) I feel that I'm a villain yet a protagonist LOL. First time have this time of feeling thanks to Kenneth. Quite funny though.

Sometimes I use the wrong words to talk =.=" Why some teachers always think they are in the right. She can take back her words. I cant? This is bullshit. Apology letter? You ask people to reflect on themselves but you don't. You just think your right. At least I have the moral courage to admit that am partly at fault. But do u think about wad u did in the first place is perfectly fine? Physically and verbally HUGE DIFFERENCE. DONT CLASSIFY IN THE SAME CATEGORY AND SIMPLY REDRAW BACK YOUR WORDS WHEN WE POINTED OUT. CANT WE TAKE BACK OUR JOKES TO YOU? HUH!~@#$@$$@ Abusing authority? Infuriation.. EXASPERATION Why cant u just reflect? How magnanimous you are. Seriously hope that this Wednesday you will not mix personal and sch work together. Precisely we are close to you then we joke with you. Yet you said "Am not your friend" But we do treat you as one. Seriously damn hurting. Starting to hate you more and more. Despise the way you do things. Don't ever expect me to be "kind" to you the next time. I might not even follow you to the general office and take the statement form. So what if I am a councilor. Doesn't mean I have to listen to what is wrong. Seriously hope that you did take the leave cause of what happened. Perhaps, you let anger manipulated me. Speak to my mother/brother if you have any dispute. A statement form is not gonna scare me albeit i am a councilor.

Why must my classmate ask me to keep quiet. Yes I know they meant good. Thanks Guys. But I will like to do things in my own way. I'm not a primary school kid anymore. Why should we be afraid of teachers in the first place.

Mr Lathif, your magnanimy and benevolence surprises me. Your burning passion motivates me to study. One day, you can be a extraordinary teacher. You are one now.

2009-03-26T15:54:00.005-01:00

Feel damn sian this week... Everything is so screwed up..

Badminton total ownage =.="
Road-Run sigh.. 4th
Long jump. NA
Basketball. Tomorrow
Soccer. Don't think i'm playing anymore

Long jump too late for registration cause TQ said basketball 4 then in the end not 4. Then long jump is 4.. Actually damn fucked up.. Stupid raining day. Then postpone, then clash with my basketball. But I prolly won't be good at long jump.

Road-Run... 4th is a very sad position. Though I chionged like siao, it wasnt enough. Somehow I don't really have the ego to run. Albeit that, I still tried my best. It's for my class not for me, so diedie cannot stop. But i did not have a good start. Looking back makes me laugh, I can't even pass 2.4km during sec1. Around 30percent left, suddenly had this first-encounter breathing difficulty. Normally got breathing difficulty still can breathe one but this... As I was about to stop running, images just appeared.. The class and you empowered me and because of that I comprised everything and continue running. Getting 4th sucks.. Road-Run my only hope.. Felt quite sian at that point of time.. Then when I came back home, I stretch my leg. Suddenly tio muscle cramp.. Then cant walk for a few mins, quite pain =.="

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear readers, please do not exploit my trust to you.

Don't go spread. I will feel damn sad and disappointed if the person I trust does that. She must not know.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
You are my greatest motivation and empowerment.. You kept me through.. Without you I might have stopped at that point of time... Out of the blue, images of you appeared. I felt better.. You gave me the feel that I should run... Though I gave it all.. Still I did not managed to get into the top 3 =.=" I just need to overtake one person.. I just felt that your my main source of motivation and empowerment.

When I saw you, I just got this overwhelming feel.. It's so overwhelming that I got tentative to look at you. Whenever I text you, I have a fear of you not replying me.. It's getting more and more stressful for me.. It's so hard to get you off my mind.. Even during lessons, suddenly thought of this problem.. I don't wish to carry on like this, its damn depressing. Perhaps, I am not ready to accept rejections. Your laugh and smile seriously brightens my day.. I don't feel as stress.

However its a must that I need to know that love cannot be forced. Forcing it will lead to greater despair and destruction. Just let it go, no point traumatising or intimidate a girl. Will only make things worse. Also must let her be happy, that's love. Loving a person doesn't mean you "must" get her as your girlfriend. I also don't want to distract her studies.. But I do something, then she scared.. Confirm will affect her.. HEADACHE

But I'm half express and normal. Will she despise? However, I'm different now. I seriously regretted not studying during primary school. Now I need to waste precious one more year. I must enter JC.. Chinese will probably screw the image of my results.

I got so many things I want to do in life..
I realized I suck at a lot of sports, time to play more sports.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I’m not deluding myself, seriously. Neither I am forcing myself to love you.
I truly love you

2009-03-14T03:56:00.003-01:00

Albeit I passed all of my papers, i'm not really pleased though =.=

I bought a super cool 8GB thumb-drive for 39dollars! WEEEE~~
Lewis so good... A LAPPY!

Yea, we had fun yesterday at the IT fair.

But... on the way back home.. My sister called me. And said that my brother was assaulted =.=" I'm like WTF?!@ Then as i continue walking. I saw my brother and dad with two policemen. So I approached my brother and inquired. A Malay guy, who is RETARDED. Maligned my brother of assaulting his brother till his brother go to hospital =.=" Superficial wounds nia.. But the punch of that retard's "retardedness" caused my brother to bleed on his lips. Cause his teeth cut himself =.=" Friday the 13 really suay one lor.. Then accompany him to Tan Tock Seng. No more MRT must take cab, EXPENSIVE SIA. Then went home at around 1am++ RETARDDDEEDDDDEDDEDDEDEDEDEDEDED

I love you.

2009-03-06T04:07:00.004-01:00

English was damn sad.. 18/30 WTF!@ Guess I rushed too much.. AND NO TIME TO CHECK MY WORK! If I don't check confirm got a lot of mistakes. Cause when I write I don't concentrate on the bloody tenses and whatever. 3expression errors is horrendous. =.="
Managed to be the highest XD.

AT to Yan Hui>Your maths is beyond godlike. I'm astounded. I envy your "talent" Emaths=FULL MARKS Amaths=FULL MARKS. Frankly, I'm kinda jealous and yet happy that you did well :/
As for me.. My worse results ever? =.=" You can be the best student if you improve on your English =X

Today was damn embarrassing.. Got my retarded face on the screen in front of the whole school. Famous/Notorious what am I? Finally the video done.. Drained out my life.... Half dead right now. 230 going out to meet Zhong Hsun and Yan Hui.. Jia Zhen jio me out.. Too bad clashed =.=" I try to join them for movie.

Fundamental part of your life? Or just a past-time kind of thing? Do you mean it?
Yes.

Is this a torment that god gave you?
Or a message for you?
A wake up call from god?
God's way?
Humans genes?
Our instincts?
Humans attributes?
God want you to do something?
Is it something you feel?
Is it incomprehensible?
Is a blessing?
Is a curse?
Ominous?
Objectives of your life?

So which point do you think? None of the above? Then grats, if that's the case, your in some big time. Learn it.. Learn it.. The hard way... There are ponds everywhere.

Get this widget

Track details

eSnips Social DNA

2009-03-04T10:22:00.003-01:00

I helped despite knowing that I will screw up in Amaths. Am I dumb? Apparently to others is dumb. However, in my perspective it's 180degrees different.

Perhaps thats me. Yes I have changed. If I continue to do Amaths, when they need help. I will feel damn guilty and that I am a selfish guy. I hate selfish people. Thus I helped. I will rather get stressed by Amaths than to be a deserter. Mr Lathif may think that I made a impulsive decision. To others, I won't deny that fact. However, if I chose to do Amaths at that point of time, I feel that I am deluding myself. On a whole new level of intense guilt and retardedness. Which I chose. And I helped not because of _______________. Cause I just want to help. So yea, hope you guys don't get the wrong idea. Cause will seems that I am more of a guy with ulterior motive and make me feel damn bad for nothing :/. And I hate hypocrites let alone megalomaniacs. Fail or Pass I don't mind. As long I helped. In front of my three friends (YK YH ZH) I'm more like a gangster and a retarded child.. Actually I possess none of those attributes. YK: You should know. Cause I find that I can be a joker and a bugger in front of you guys. So don't take me as a bugger for real :/

And I felt damn depress after seeing what happened during recess. Am I too paranoid?

Gonna start chionging Amaths... ENDEAVOR, for there's still hope. And I am starting to hate a guy. Who is so sanctimonious in front of ________. And behind the scene, a fiend in disguise? You nothing but a derision. Yes evil is insidious. Been long since I last received penance.

A penitence grip made me feel so retarded and as usual, nostalgia.

I haven seen anyone with claustrophobia.. Perhaps Tommy, doubt so, his just shy.

And I realised that even scat can be a FETISH to people. OMG!! IMAGINE DOING _ _ _ WITH SCAT WTF? That MAKES THEM SCAT-LOVERS? GOSHHHH GROSS.. I gonna die... Thats the most ludicrous bullshit thing I ever head. Those people are INSANE! PEOPLE HAVE YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR MIND! WHAT THE FUCKKKK. SCAT? I see no hope in you people.
ONE WORD: SPEECHLESS.

Today was horror though. But I felt that I made the right choice. XD Even the stress and pressure I get. Its worth it. Rather I am stuck with guilt and regrets.

And joey, you made me feel weird LOL. No need for you to return back though. Since you feel bad, then oh well :/

I just help cause I want to help. NO REASON IN PARTICULAR.

2009-03-03T15:05:00.002-01:00

Been long since I post anything up..

Sian.. Maths cant get full marks liao.. One careless mistake. Make me lose one mark=.=

Yesterday kinda boring.. Geography was okok, but example give wrong country =.=" Will I still get to secure the position of the top student in Humans? Looks like injuries is inevitable when I play sports during PE. Every time, people must injure me one =.=".
Bullshit.. Later got scar!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! I will cry. I care for my face.

The so called world we live in, comes with many complications. A question that no one can answer =.=" What do they serves us? Why cant things be perfect? Thinking bout this, I feel like giving up doing something =.=" Perhaps no.. Misery, Hatred etc. Humanity sigh.. Humanity.. F*** care all bout my dilemma and worries. However, thats impossible for a guy like me. Why cant people be more thoughtful sometimes =.="
Dudes, words are powerful. Some people may be unable to take it.

Problem in love/friends.. This seems to be the main case for many people =.=" Maintaining love is not easy, once you get the hang of it its fine. Sometimes I pray to god and said "Let me like no one and lead a simple lifestyle with no worries"
Which is impossible. I cant believe Yan Hui like no one =.=" Probably because your quite no-life(no offence) Yan Hui: I can never survive playing com/tv all day at home. How i envy you. Thats something good bout you people :/

Chinese test, prepare to get a D or a C.

I just want to learn something new and get good at it =.=" I feel so retarded and must learn new things =.= Common test week kinda fine and suck. I get to sit near the windows XD so nice. Miss Loh marked the paper and said got alot of grammar mistakes. That not much of a worry. I seldom make those mistakes, unless I write too much/fast. And i got this feeling that my content gonna screw up :(.Hai..

Sorry ____. Though I promised to study with you, but I failed to fulfill the promise. I am just so traumatized by what happened. I don't have the courage to even see your face.. Forgive me. However, a promise is a promise, thus I must fulfill.
Perhaps soon albeit with much tentative.

It will be offending if I bring a boy with me.. Guess going alone is still the best option.

2009-02-22T07:09:00.002-01:00

Its monday tomorrow and common test will be starting soon. Next week will be common test. And I must say I'm not prepared for it =X. Quite reluctant to go to school tomorrow lol.. Too lazy. Butn bo bian still must go.

Bloody hell, Joey's TomSawyer book was actually at keith's table LOL.. I thought I really lost her book. Cause Keith said he gave it to me LOL. I just had the impression that its with me =.=". Until yesterday, HOLYSHIT! Well I never regretted buying the two series for her. At least it lighten up my guilt :P. Returning the book to her on Monday. Wonder whats her reaction will be O.o

Stayed overnight at keith's house. Yesterday hanged out with JZ and K. But JZ went home after that. So left Keith and me. Then we played one match of dota and we win hooray! After that played Smackdown V Raw. Which I had not played it for like year? Felt so nostalgic man.

Going back soon to get changed and bathe. Geography homework haven do lol. Still dunno what to write about.

English competition =.="". AHHH I cant think of anything lol.
Will I be able to write a thousand word essay within 50mins?
I think I can if i pia all the way.

Anyway SCREW COMMON TEST

2009-02-16T13:08:00.002-01:00

Retard man.. Spongbebob Spongebob.. Precisely treat you as brother then call you names what... You can also call me Tay Ta Lei. Words are superficial man. Still thought Wednesday can go gym with you one sia. But now see liao aizai buay sai. If really don't think then talk seriously about it. Only then I know your serious. You always say in such a frivolous manner, how I know your serious...
Then you suddenly like that.. Damn scary one lei.
Sorry Man. The end.

Keith you zai LOL.

Take it slow... FORGET IT PERHAPS, FUCK! FUCK EVERYTHING~ Wish I can just do that, all my dilemma and worries will be gone.

Stick to the infantile Alex back in school tomorrow :) Perhaps it can silhouette the darkness with bit of lumination. ROAR!!!

"Perhaps I'm too close too you."
Perhaps. Sometimes I wonder are you lying.(10%)

2009-02-06T05:29:00.002-01:00

So many things happen man... AHHHHHHH! AM I STUPID IGNORANT OR BRAVE? Last Monday I argued with Mr Lok, HOW IRONIC! Sigh.. He just pissed me off too much, I don't hate him. He just can't listen to what I said and start saying that I'm a sore loser. Long story on how the incident occur. (Don't wish to say) Anyway, thank you people for cooling me down. He just made me look like a sore loser in front of the class. Later they really think Alex Tay sore loser =.=" then I bo wei kong. Can't be bothered. Then got this English Competition Writing.. Write about Singapore Folk Tales! I don't want to join one.. Then all spur me to go. Then make me motivated then I go LOL! "Thx Guys!" Henceforth, ya try my best! Now have no idea. I cant write well without any inspiration. Most of the composition I wrote were mainly mediocre, perhaps, SERIOUS THIS TIME! Just this once and see the difference. And O level registration!! GOSH!

Seriously regret not working hard during primary school life.. NOW NEED TO WASTE ONE MORE YEAR IN SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE!! Penitence.. Penitence..

Don't know why.. Whoever I argue with, whether right or wrong. I JUST FEEL GUILTY GOSH! WTF IS WRONG!! Currently reading a book which I brought from Kinokuniya to pastime.

Sometimes I just cant understand why people like to pry in others so much that they hurt they feelings. And those people with their megalomaniacal hubris, just like to bitch and boost around. Self-proclaims craps. You want to boost at least have the "ingredient" to do so. Yes we must be proud of ourselves but not to some extent. It's not always easy to maintain a equilibrium between things. And the polarity of "stress" and "lament"

Last time I scold people also won't feel guilty one lor. Now the Mr Lok really think I bai kia and a bloody sore loser. Don't insult me by associating me in that category man. This month I just piss off more easily..

I a bit traumatised la. Bloody hell.. Breaking Dawn take bout a month? Guess I have to turn to KINOKUNIYA again! The best bookshop in Singapore(I think). Maybe going later. I have so many books I want to read. Been long since I started reading

I thought Aisha don't really like me then today she come talk to me.. What a surprise. Good sign! All my problems seems to be gone already. Except a few major ones. Keith, its possible to psycho yourself? I will try! Have to inculcate it into my brain for days weeks months?

Perhaps I should divert my attention.

To Yong Kiat> I really believe that's a real bread initially! =X

Me? Get a new life. Gosh it made me feel nostalgic. The good things are always so difficult to savor. Its something unfathomable.

2009-02-01T16:22:00.006-01:00

Friday was uber gay. Cause my friend message me during English lesson then I tempted to reply so I did. Then I put it under my desk after messaging. Then stupid Zhong Hsun go take out and somehow intrigued Tzu Quan. Bloody bugger Zhong Hsun _I_. Then Tzu Quan used my phone and did something SO FU**ING IRONIC. (Shall not say)

I wanted to take back the phone when. But I know Tzu Quan confirm resist one. Thus will attract Miss Loh's attention. She quite unreasonable at times. Despite my excuse she still will confiscate one. 100% So I keep quiet and hope he dont get caught. Cause I dont want my phone to be gone. Then Miss Loh go check under Tzu Quan's desk and found phone MY PHONE! Then Tzu Quan faster past to me but still tio caught! Heng she never confiscate. Then she isolate me. Lalala PULAU UBIN.

"Some of you guys are getting worse and worse. Some more your a Councillor."
What the fu**? I cant be bothered explaining myself. Cause I used the phone to sms also. So also partly my fault. I can't lie. Does excruciating as two meaning? I checked online dictionary have. 1:intense pain 2:embarrassing. So I used the second meaning in my compo writing. Then she say only got one meaning. Whose right? Dictionary or her? I wrote the compo without inspiration just wanna complete it and get over with it. Passion Love etc. Then I think of _________ and my mood just gets worse. I'm still surprised I managed to get 18/30 with the mood and attitude I'm writing. Then Brenda Darshen ask me how much I scored. I sort of feel like I disappointed them. Darshen probably happy that he beat me. I think I'm his rival. He wrote about Celebrity. No wonder so high HAHA! And to 4EN. I'm much more than what you know. The Alex you know in school is not the real Alex. Do not think I'm damn passive and childish. Actually in fact I'm not. The real Alex may not be what you wish/desire for. Cause I don't wanna revert back to the past. But extreme anger in me will thus show my true colors. Cause up till now, no one in school pissed me off that much. I will only sort of show my true-self to those I seriously hate. For now I hate no one except my ___(but for now not really hate) I grew up in a violent environment. When I was young, I'm extremely vociferous, naive, vehement and truculent. But now I'm not. But somehow some of those words are coming back to form me. You may think that Alex is those who doesnt dare to fight. Then your extremely wrong. Of course for righteousness. He may look happy, but he doesnt really show his sadness. You may think his a nerd but his not. However, now I'm starting to like my new-self. Not vociferous, vehement and truculent. But don't piss me off too much. - Delicate to two person. Better stop pissing me off. The dark side of me is yet to be revealed. You might be the first person to witness.

Yes I may look evil in the last paragraph. But I'm not. I do cry for misfortunate people. I love helping people. I respect people who deserve respect. I wanna help the less fortunate ones. However, I cant and I feel so useless. I just wanna help those who are seriously in need BUT I CANT. Whenever I use the word "FUCK" shows that I'm serious and vehement. But sometimes I want to take initiative but dont dare. Lack of confidence.(Currently working on it) I'm also not a Casanova. I just merely interacting with girls. If you think I'm a Casanova. Then when you talk to your mother your flirting with her? Come on, THINK!

Got one bloody bitch trying to sabo me. Say I spread _______________ to people around. Why must sabo me sia. What for I spread ______________ to the people around. Others confirm will spread one. But I have a strong feeling is who spread. Shall not say anymore. Make me look like a bloody hypocrite. I HATE HYPOCRITES, NARCISSIST AND MEGALOMANIACAL people. Sometimes on msn. I am seriously scolding about someone and that someone thinks I'm joking? =.=" Why is it so. Am too passive? I geek so wad? Better than ignoramus right.

Dont be sarcastic if you cant be sarcastic. THAT SARCASTIC FACE OF YOURS SOMETHING IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF. Your doing it to my good friends. Stop thinking that your English is not "bad". My English frankly speaking is not good at all. Stop thinking so highly of yourself and be humble. And please stop criticizing about others. Plus if you dont like him just tell him. Dont tell me about he so bad or whatever. JUST TELL HIM STRAIGHT IN THE BLOODY FACE. This shows how much dignity you have for yourself.

So much dilemma so I went to look for Mr Lathif. THX MR LATHIF FOR WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME ON ME :D Seriously appreciate man! XD
Man! I feel so much better! Din know you play Counterstrike. But you scared to play online cause scared addicted LOL! Good father and a teacher! HAHAHA
Relax abit man! Work is Work. BUT NO ONE CANT SURVIVE WITHOUT A SHORT BREAK!
Your the most hardworking teacher I ever seen. I still remember Zhong Hsun and me stayed back till 8+pm to ask you about Amaths. Too bad you cant get to read it LOL cause its a private blog. Your passion to teach is really astonishing and amazing. Beyond comprehension.

I dont like people to give me false hope. Just be direct and shoot the facts. Don't say something optimistic when you already know its gonna be a failure. When I play dota. Despite I know I already lost. I will not give up and keep on playing! CAUSE I'm NOT A TYPICAL IN WARCRAFT BATTLE BNET! I HAVE MY PRIDE! 90% of the players are just leavers. BULLSHIT!

It hurts even more. OMG almost 2am now. And i need to wake up at 6am LOL! Nevermind I also nvr sleep go sch before! HaHaHA. Sometimes I think I'm childish. But it makes me happy. Dont let me think about all the dilemma I have. I dunno whether my benevolence is authentic a not. Will you sacrifice your life to save many lives.(Yes) Will brave danger to save the girl you like?(Yes). Time will TELL! Am I faithful?(YES YES YES)

I like this song a lot. Don't know why. Try listening? Haha

Get this widget

Track details

eSnips Social DNA

2009-01-31T18:56:00.005-01:00

Stay overnight in Keith's house on Friday after all the playing at AMK arcade LOL!
Used his laptop to play dota and played halo2 afterwards. (And I got owned by Keith =( ) Then next game team with Keith. Quite fun.. I kept following Keith around LOL. Feel insecure going alone. Then Keith brother so pro. I shoot him so long he shoot me back then I die =.="" But his friend is so funny! My majority of the kills comes from him XD. The game ended around 12am plus. Then we go mac and eat. He never eat =.=" Then went back and look at school year book(where all the craps comes in =X) Then look at all the photos and blahblah LOL. Then sleep. Before sleep also crap like never crap before. Slept at 2plus am.

Woke up at 8plus and Keith was snoring. After that I go sleep. Then i ask Keith i got snore a not he say have LOL. So funny, we both "SNORED" Then continue to slack in his house till 2plus then go back my house and I change and bathe to visit someone for bai nian. Watched Keith played blackjack with Winny and Company.(With money O.O) Then surprisingly Kenneth Chen came! Followed by Jia Zhen. Then played murderer and true or dare. Murderer damn funny! I no killer I go kill people HAHAHAHAAAA! Then trick police LOL so fun. True or Dare is kinda insane lol. Shall skip all the horrendous and beyond imagination part of what I did. Then play True or Dare for so damn long. Then Kenneth went home around 9.13pm. Then we continued to play True or Dare. Then Jia Zhen left at 11+pm. Then left Keith, Winny(and company) and me. Then I tell joke and give riddles. Then blahblah. Been long since I last talked so much with Winny.

Then left at 2+am LOL. Went to MacDonalds and eat. Went home at 3+am then saw two cats making creepy noises.(never hear before one.)then I tell my mother then she say think cat saw ghost. I'm posting now 4.36am XD

Post maybe boring. Cause too much things cant say LOL =X

2009-01-14T08:15:00.006-01:00

Long Post ahead. LOL (Most people won't read it)

AHHHHH Miss Loh has mood swing one sia. Really really weird. I din do her homework. She punish me write a whole story, completed before lesson ends. Cause i asked Yong Kiat got any homework. All he remember was MATHS AND CHEMISTRY. So i thought no english lol. Then I wanted to justify myself, but I will never sort of let my friend get into trouble. So i shut up and act as if I'm non-chalant about her work. Then AHHH forget it. Quite pissed off by her contradictions. She called me
"alex stapler properly." Second time "Alex glue it" I am like wtf? Then I abit pissed off and said "You want me to stapler properly then now you want me to glue?" (Raised my tone) I wonder whats her expression, cause I never really looked at her. Then I just stapler one more bullet in. But today I think I portrayed myself as a bad boy during english lesson. Ah forget it. Let's see her MOOD tomorrow.

Then today Alex Ong, Zhong Hsun, Yan hui, Yong Kiat and me talked about boy stuff to entertain ourselves(It's not dirty)

AND GOSH. DINT KNOW MY CLASS KNOW THE THING "69" Today I'm so appalled when someone said 69. LOL and it's someone ironic! Haha. But its good, healthy sign, maybe.

My classmate. Boy A and Boy B I will skip straight away to their conversation, so dont ASSUME.

Boy A - When I feel horny I won't touch girls one.
Boy B - Then next time you horny you dont touch your wife la.
Boy A - Of course I will la! I also will do sex with her.

Those who always talk about such stuff in public. I think they are not the lascivious ones.

Monday PE. I was owned by Darshen and ZhongHsun.
First Incident - I grabbed the ball first then Darshen siao liao come snatch back. That time was in a turmoil. Then all go crazy. Then he pressed on me. Then I fall down. Causing me to having lacerations! AHHHH but very minor.
Second Incident - When I'm the "Goal Keeper" I wanna catch the ball, ZhongHsun jump and hit my head. SO PAIN AHHHHH
Third Incident - When I was about to toss the ball. He come and smack my face. Then my spectacles dragged along my skin. And now got scar! Don't know will heal a not. Some people when they get so excited and engrossed that they compromise their friends safety =.="

Today want go gym one. Then all last minute say cannot, wtf! And my hair is freaking long and I wanna get it cut so soon! Cant style properly~~ Also I lazy to style. Cause morning my hair super messy one. So I must wax it. But most of time I anyhow one lol.

2008-12-09T20:21:00.003-01:00

Been more than two weeks since he went to AMERICA... HE said at most two weeks.. Boring sia.. Cant DOTA with him.. My holiday isnt really fruitful.. Next year will be a boring year.. Ahhh.... Sigh... Two years of suffering coming up for me. Jc/Poly.

Sighh.. Feeling so dull now.. Dunno why.. Din even complete my objectives yet.. Procrastinators are always tired.. Decisions translate into ENERGY, makes sense.
Procrastinators are always idling..

Lead, take charge, make decisions, make things happen.
Feeling super sian... Hope the rest of the remaining days will be a meanginful one.
Now its like 5.31am.. Sleeping after I blogged. Sighhh Sighh.

I thought I'm ready for "that", but I'm not. Don't know when to do it. No screw ups, or not your really screwed. Sigh.. Just something is missing in my heart, no idea what is it. Need something to fill that hole up.

Looking back, I'm really contradicting myself. Nothing more to say bout it.
Next year, a fresh start.

Seriously no mood. Need some "fresh" entertainment and inspiration. Need to get enlightened. Just gotta sort it out my own.

2008-12-06T16:01:00.002-01:00

OMG! Saw her again today! MY PRIMARY SCHOOL MATE, when I'm walking to Mrt Station.
Today she's different, no make-ups and no nice nice dress up. A cute pony-tail behind her head. Think she probably forgot bout me, or rather, cant recognize me. Cause I'm transformer, look at my Ez-Link card you will understand why. I cant comprehend it with words =X God... 180degrees!This like the fifth or sixth time that I met her by coincidence.

When to Paya Lebar and saw Elijah!(School Mate)
Then I met charles(primary school mate). When home together.(120am++)

Been playing counterstrike lately.. Don't when Dylan be back from AMERICA! No one pei me dota.. He should be back tomorrow.

Thats basically for today.

2008-11-28T10:37:00.008-01:00

Yay! No more CCA! SDMA IS FINALLY OFFICIALLY OVER! :)

Today I overslept. So sorry FISHBALL! I set alarm at 8am then later 830am. Then dont know what happened. I slept till 9plus. {Supposed to meet in school>9am)

RingRing Yuan Hui called me(fortunately)

Yuan Hui: Alex tay, sui de hen shuang hor.
Alex Tay(super blurr): ar. - (LOL I DIN KNOW ITS 9plus, still thot its 830am)
Yuan Hui: kuai tian lai shue siao.

I still took a 1min rest LOL :P. SHHHH
Getting more and more "slacky"

YAY~ Counterstrike finally can manage hard mode LOL. Anyway, I'm still noob at it.

So long never play dota already, miss it man!

Gonna sms her the day. I MUST! I'm praying for a YES answer from her. Not a "not free". "Other day" I can accept.

My hair is horrendously long. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. CANT EVEN STYLE PROBERLY. I dont possess any feminine attributes, neither am I a "femme fatale".

Sigh.. Sigh.. SIGH..

Then today got one "imbecile" tried to prank me. Lucky I didn't get too carried over in my "Music World". (Don wish to tell how that imbecilic guy prank) Luckily I turned back, my instinct. Then I gave him the "huh" face. Cause initially I dont know what he want to do. {Then after he scared scared zao then I realised =.=" He look chubby and innocent} - Thats superfluous detail.

Dont wish to procrastinate my HOLIDAY ASSIGNMENTS any FURTHER. Gonna start next week. Bunch of BORING english ASSIGNMENTS. Hai Hai. Early do, CAN DONT CARE MORE.
Gonna start improving on my chinese. Opting for chinese B.

Seriously inspired to play a guitar. Also next time can jio girl can play for them (LOL) - thats secondary. I wanna play guitar for my own interest, not to impress girls. Also its hard to impress girls by playing a guitar. Because, SO MANY PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO PLAY A GUITAR. Unless, you SYNCHRONIZE with the music, your feelings and your guitar. Play by FEELINGS!

Its a blessing to be with someone you like.
Its A Blessing- talking to her
Its A Blessing- looking at her
Its A Blessing- going out with her
Its A Blessing- helping her when shes in need
Its A Blessing- making her happy
ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

Everyone one unique.

HaiHai..

Sayonara.

2008-11-27T15:00:00.004-01:00

Blog private now. :/

Cause I think my blog too personal, and am only inviting people I trust.

Another setback today.. Well, cant really say its a setback. Ya still gonna endeavor through, till the end. Whether its a failure, or a success. Apparently, not talking to her much caused our "relationship" between friends to deteriorate. Now, I'm a step further to succeed. Definitely at a losing side now.

Asked her out as a group and she said "erh see first". Ah dammit... DAMMIT. Hopefully she will be willing. And i gonna make full use of it, but not overdoing it of course. Life is sureeeeeeeee intricating and intriguing. Its too early to tell whether I'm succeeding anot. BUT, its also too early to tell whether AM I FAILING.

But the feeling I have now as I blog, I'm thinking its a failure. It seems like a delusion. Not sure whether my feelings are accurate anot. Because, I'm disheartened to continue pursuing what I wish to. I'm kinda detered now.

Also got no topic to talk to her. Just dont feel like talking to her. Afraid of her replies. Some replies can make me feel damn sad. But today never. However, her replies compared to last time, its not as good. Even though she still got some interest in talking.

Should I talk to her now? She's still online(12.13am). How yellow you can be.. Sigh.

Stucking in a love issue is not my life! I still wanna make full use of my time instead of dreading over love.

Apparently in Secondary school, no boys have ever "wooed" her before. And that means I'm the first. But, she's the type of girls that dont want start a relationship.

Yesterday was ironic(12.17am), KianLeng asked me to join the CounterSTRIKE competition. If it was Anime Fight(IT WOULDNT BE A PROBLEM) - Only those who play Warcraft 3 knows what I'm talking about. I suck at CounterSTRIKE, and I gonna start practicsing. Not gonna drag down the team!

Then later 9am need go back school help Yuan Hui. {Can I sleep... 3pm need meet Melvin for a interesting session.)

Cant sleep. Shes still online. I CANT BEAR TO OFFLINE. This kind of lifestyle damn depressing. "LET ME LIKE NO ONE" AHHHHHH. But that's impossible. I got this feeling that tells me umpteen times that I will fail no matter what. "Stop trying, no matter what you do. SHE WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU." By the way she reply my message, she show no interest. Ask her out say see first. Damn depressing.

I'm damn hesitant to talk to her. When I talk to her, I will think that am I overdoing it. TOO BAD! "I'm not a CLAIRVOYANT" Neither am I an omniscient.
Polarity between "relaxment" and stres. Is that a vast different?
Love and Hate. Vast different?

All humans have innate abilities.

Please tell me your opinions in my tagbox.

Guess thats too bad. I'm reconsidering. I may not pursue. Might stop.
Maybe I should commit myself in something else.

HaiHaiHai.. I think i go practice counterstrike now.

Sayonara.

‡RESOLVE‡

2008-11-13T06:39:00.018-01:00

Days and days, I considered deeply. And that is my resolve. I'm going all out. "Trying" equals "Hope". Nothing can be achieved if we dont endeavor. However, this time its a different issue, something that cant be forced, neither it can be tried nor practice. If i dont do it I definitely will regret. If I do i might not regret.

Gonna throw out what I think of love read below.
____________________________________________________________________

I kept thinking bout you these few days. When I'm empty in my mind, you appears in my thoughts. When I'm bout to sleep, resting and nothing to do. Frankly, I dont wish to have such a lifestyle. I have to control myself and stop thinking about it. Love is something that comes to you, pursuing it in a forceful way is nothing but a delusion. Just like wanting to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you dont find for it. Rather you wait for it and when the time comes, you wholeheartedly devote yourself. Thats what I think :/ You cant force a person to love you, its human instincts. And what you do to make people think of you. Love can be destructive, thats a fact. Conflict arises. Lots of committment is required, sincerity and investing your time. But when you love a person, you will not bother about those factors. Because its love. One of the greatest thing in existence. Love is great, it motivates us in many different ways. Gives us support, comfort, courage, security. Also share your burdens and happiness, help you in times of need and etc. This doesnt apply just to girlfriend and boyfriend, also to family, friends and even pets:D. People have different definition of love. Some say love cant be defined, its just feeling for a person. But I believe that love can be defined.

Some guys just go for prestige and pretty girls. And doesnt love them. Thats denial. A deluding love. Or rather ludicrous, which is not even called love. Ok thats obvious, pardon me for saying that.

Yes, I like one girl. I see the attributes in her, its good. Addtionally, I have feelings for her. A incomprehensible feeling, but I know its love. You will feel happy and relieved when you see her, etc. But I dunno where to start and how to start. On the otherhand, I have this "feel" that she doesnt have any feelings for me. But we never know :), life is ironic sometimes.

I dont understand people, have girlfriends like changing clothes. I dont understand such people =.=" and I dont have a good impression towards them. But I dont mind making friends with them. Love is not a game. Is something EXTREMELY ESSENTIAL in life. I dont wish to be like such other. Treasure it or it might just slip off. "Eternal Love" is a good cachet of true love. I'm not sure whether am I a good boyfriend. Its hard to judge one calibur, we need others to judge us. But I will sincerely devote and commit myself in a relationship. I will understand her difficulties, what she wants and how she feels. Also I will trust her. Understanding each other and mutal trust are keys to hold relationships and also the main key - LOVE

I have been in a relationship before and I think I'm still childish them. We broke off due to some reasons. Think its the best for her. When its time to let go, we just let it go. Breaking off might be better sometimes. Besides, shes happy now. But I dont wish to get in a relationship that will break, no one wants that. But its not always perfect. Can only be faithful. Relationship can be good at start, its always and even in the DRAMA SERIES. But conflicts arises after that. But through love and support of each other, it can be solved. Sometimes it cant be solved, because each side lacks understanding. There will definitely be disagreement and arguments, through understanding it can be solved.

Ok I will show two example. The fiction story begins:) Umanded(boy) likes Yuna. Umanden wanted to ask Yuna out for a date. But Yuna cant go out cause got work to do. "Sorry! I have important project to complete" Umanden understands her situation and said "its ok dear, we can always meet some other time. Reverse of what Umanden will say. "WHAT? DO YOU LOVE ME? YOUR ALWAYS SO BUSY. CANT YOU JUST SPEND A FEW HOURS WITH ME?!" Thats a very impulsive remark. You will not only hurt her, YOUR GIVNG HER STRESS. The keys(trust and understand) But if shes lying to you cause she doesnt even love you, then say bye to this relationship. And your girlfriends/boyfriend might lie to you for your own good. Example two. Two couple quarrelling(Umanden and Yuna again). And disputes occur. But Umanden understand why Yuna did that and her reasons for doing that. Yuna understand why Umanden did that and his reasons for doing that. Because Umanden know that what Yuna was doing is for her own good and Yuna know that what Umanden was doing is her his own good.(Its just one scene, many scenes can occur) The reasons of conflict can be different. It can also be - conflict occurs due to Yuna neglecting Umanden. Then Umanden feel insecure and conflict occurs. But through understanding each other. Heres the reason on how the conflict is solved. Yuna knows that Umanden is feeling neglected. And Umanden knows that Yuna is really busy now. And both apologize to each other. And also, confirm next time got time to meet each other one :). This scene, sometimes wont work cause. The boy or girl in the relationship may lack understand, thats why.

If Endonna ever read this, she might ask me. WHY NEVER USE "TIDUS" ARGHHH. Applies to all FF FAN.

For those whose girlfriend or boyfriend is not from the same school as you. YOU CAN STILL MEET THEM SOMETIMES. But if your boyfriend or girlfriend at home no internet, no handphone, mother dont allow. Then you must understand lor. :/ But I see now many relationship, is either the boy or girl dont really like her/his partner and somemore stead for what.. Humans are not guinea pigs. You dont just stead just for fun try try nia. Humans have feelings and esteem.

Loving someone sometimes is not to have her. Thats what I think. If she/he doesnt like you, you can only hope that he/her be happy. Its painful, damn painful feeling. But the antidote is only yourself. Thats what I think.

Then i watch one drama series. The channel U monday to friday 10pm show. Got one guy is a cheater. He go overseas to study and gave his girlfriend a ring to ask her wear and wishes to see her wearing it when he comes back. Then the poor girl wait for her three years. Then got one day, this girl received a letter from him. "Sorry i got a girlfriend there already and We are going to get married soon" Stupid jerk. A cachet of what a jerk will do.

http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" bgcolor="#000" width="328" height="94" src="http://fb.esnips.com//escentral/images/widgets/flash/esnips_player.swf" flashvars="theTheme=blue&autoPlay=no&theFile=http://fb.esnips.com//nsdoc/365d7843-cc40-4ff7-9020-3b8a94ca6e28&theName=Haru Haru&thePlayerURL=http://fb.esnips.com//escentral/images/widgets/flash/mp3WidgetPlayer.swf">

Get this widget

Track details

eSnips Social DNA

____________________________________________________________________

Good boys bad boyslGood girls bad girls. THERE ARE MANY OF THEM. You need time to know one character. At first the girl I like. I dunno her character. But after that, I realised her "beauty". Like her character. Got one time, for a period of time i'm crazy. CRAZY THINKINGS. Lucky i got out of it. I'm already prepared for rejection. But dunno when must I confess. I can only try my best. And I will. I have the courage to confess, but dont have the courage for rejection. If tell her face to face will be awkward lol. No idea how to start.

When I'm empty, your the first in my mind
When I'm resting, your the first in my mind
When I'm bout to do something, your the first in my mind.
Keep thinking... Keep thinking...
I cant sleep soundly at night, you you you you

My resolve, I gonna try. Rather I regret.

:/

2008-11-03T06:10:00.006-01:00

Hmmm... So many things have happened. Some good some bad..

Still cannot forget about _______, everyday will think bout it at least once. EOY results still fine, satisfied enough.

So many things to do during school holidays. But dont know where to start =X. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~ Sigh.

Still have the nostalgic feeling within me, hope will cease soon. Exams over liao.. But i dont really feel anything O.o. Kinda bored.. These few days busy with CCA :):(. Kinda tiring, but at least i learnt quite alot :D.

Dont wish to torment myself by dreading about things that dont come true.

Recently, I saw this pretty(really pretty) girl. Her face damn familiar, i kept thinking who is she.
She's my primary school mate! GOSH!! That time she quite nerdy nerdy de =X. Out of the blue, become so _____. - TRANSFORMER O.O Then she look at me I look at her. Think we both remember each other, but never say hi :(. Then yesterday saw her again, so coincident. More than 6times liao. All the time i saw her also never say "hi". Another incident pertained to this - Got one time i studied with Lewis at Yishun Mac, then Lewis say got one girl at the corner there damn chio but _______ wasted. Curious me when to take a look, then is her again LOL. Forgot her name.. Also, it would be a miracle if she remembers me.. Cause i also transformer! Take a look at my ezlink-card you will know. I show to others(covering my name) saying that "this fattish" is my cousin. AND THEY BELIEVE ROFL :D. But some never eeee:(

Council camp was FUN! BARBERQUE :D:DD:D:D. Then the game.. Water-Bomb! I remember i shot 3 person :). Nearly hit Soon Kiat, tio his leg nia :(. Surprisingly no one shot me, lucky~
Then some of my juniors told me about "creepy" incident in Canberra Sec. Sounds convincing, whether what will i do if i see one. Kept disturbing fishball! FISHBALL ROLL ROLL AND GET SMASHED :D. Hope you see this hehe~

Next year AHHHHH~~~ BORING YEAR AHHHHHHHHHHHH *FU__* Maybe.. Hopefully not.
No more ms tay(apparently yes). Strife - next year! My brother good lor.. Next year feb no more army.. CAN SLACK SLACK :(. Slack liao then go university =.=". He shiok shiok. THEN ME LEI :( SIAN! Been long since I last went out. Tomorrow got course(about 8hours) - Republic Polytechnic. Lalalala.. Got there learn learn also good :) Hopefully I dont get too bored :/
-
-
-

Maybe I'm just deluding myself. Maybe not AHHHHH. Going to play~ Head got too much stuff. Need to forget about useless stuff.

Perhaps, its better not knowing you.

2008-10-16T06:10:00.002Z

GOD... ENGLISH GOD!!! 17/30?! sigh... First time write until this kind of bullshit marks.. Too many mistakes =.=" But situational writing kinda good, 22/30. Anyway I'm happy enough... Then tomorrow know chemistry...

2008-10-15T11:58:00.003Z

Perhaps, ITS TIME TO SCREAM! HURRRRAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! EXAMS OVER!!!!!!!!!!! When back to school, got back my results(some of it) god.... Not very gd.... But i'm happy enough..

Time to plan wad to do XD Got whole lots of things i yearn to do... Might not even have the time... Tomorrow getting back more of my results(no comment) Everyday go school like so slackslack hehe... Actually, not really used to do. IRONIC HUH?! LOL Got hooked too much on work and forgot wads relaxation? Ridiculous.. I din even studied so hard for sec2.. I can actually get addicted to studies.. OH wow.. Can adapt so fast? LOL Cant believe i studied for vigorously for it.. Thinking back, makes me scared =.= So many things have happened.. Wonder wad gonna happen in school tomorrow..

Sometimes I think i'm kinda crazy.. Always contradict myself.. Today Zhong Hsun said something that got on my nerves.. Making me feel bad and guilty ==" Its like god... He said it so bad.. Actually, he doesnt understand.. My mind is determined to DO WAD I WANNA DO. "DO IT, OR F***ING REGRETTTTTTTTT" Feeling of remorse is tormenting.. Makes you feel nostalgic.. Cause you made a wrong move and yearn to go back to the past.. And sometimes I will think how retarded am I actually.. I have two options, both might make me regret.. Shall not indulge myself on writing further pertained to _______.

Holyshit, Ms Tay told us that she might not be our form teacher :'(. AHHHHHHHHHH
I have never expected this.. I guess its already predetermined. I love my teachers... Next wednesday 3EN going to sungei buloh. One of the final class gathering. Still HAVE CHALET XDXD Dread about going to sec4.. Just dont wish to go LOL! Still have to go... My target gonna be JC man! With my caliber, i still need to work a long WAYYY.

Right now I'm happy.. Enjoy the good times of life or it gonna be gone FOREVER! LOL!
Still listing out wad i wanna do during the holidays.. Patience is a virtue.. Yes it is the FACT
I will base on this moral value to succeed. There are many keys to succeed.. Must be patient, must be patient. Lacking of confidence.. GOD

I shall continue to work on it, EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.

2008-09-26T09:00:00.003Z

EOY.... I must say, i'm not yet prepared for it.. Geography is more than enough to kill me...

Went for Amaths extra lesson.... Went home....(4pm)..

Yesterday slept at 3.25am(bout there) and woke up at 6 :D
Chatted with Huang Jie till 3plus..? LOL The talk keep going on non-stop...

Today Yong Kiat shocked me... Today look less nerdy and better.. Cut his hair and style... LOL
And tomorrow will be ownage... 730-9(social studies) 9-12(amaths) :'( GOD! Intend to go home and go out again to study.. Most probably Yishun Mac..

Contradiction is killing me... Seems like the situation had become more dire... How retarded can I be.. Oh well.. Wait till EOY is done...

2008-09-22T06:53:00.003Z

Typical school day.... Been long since I last posted anything... However alot of things happened today... EOY is comin.... VeryVerysoon... I can no longer procrastinate...

1) Pe- playing "soft ball" then darshen slided* and colided my leg. And i nearly fell.... Unfortunately he got himself a swollen eye.. Also sms me "I shall applause you for having my first swollen eyes" How hiliarious.. The comical expression of his.. As always lol..

2) Got punished by Ms Loh for speaking mandarin.. Then asked me go sit alone ==""" But seriously, come on! Its a slip of my tongue.

3) Zhong Hsun got detention ROFL. Haha now still serving (3pm)

4) Yong Kiat, its finally over. Brace up! Failure is just the beginning! Also, its not a good hook!

Wow... Yan Hui(my class de MALE.. not the fishaball from 3e2 jkjk) and I were like paedophile stalker.. Of course not! What a notorious job and favour we have to help/do. Also, STALKING IS NOT MY PROFESSION!!

Today brought Emaths instead of Amaths. No pencil case... No exercise book... Holy.... Its"GREAT" to kickstart my first day....

There's one thing.. I keep thinking and thinking.... Is it right... Or is it wrong... It just so sudden.. What is this feeling... What's happening... Why is it so... Can it be done... It made a big difference in my life. Can be a blessing... Maybe.. Depends how optimistic you actually are.

I have changed, the greatest nemesis is oneself. What is the true me..... My true personality is comin.. Can say is a good thing..

Oh yes.. The feel of nostalgia, how nostalgic it is to think back.. Sense of regret and some incomphrensible feelings.. What will I wish for... Eternal Bliss? Such naviete, life is complicated. I rather be a "normal" boy not too much money, dont get too pampered. I just want freedom and happiness(love)(friends). Prestigious reputation I dont care much. But of course have a good reputation, not a retard one.

Its time to do my homework.

Back to Typical School Life SIGH

2008-09-07T16:23:00.002Z

School... SCHOOL.... HOLIDAY GONE T_T!!! Oh well! Get ready for exams! School gonna START SO SOON~~~ Just miss holiday...

Wonder what will i be doing in term 4..
3periods of Amaths 3periods of chem 2 periods of eng and 2periods of PE(monday) awww
Get to see my classmates again :D
Its already 12plus and I'm not sleeping :P

Gayish

2008-09-04T06:10:00.006Z

Dead bored, assignments haven even touched yet.

Yesterday, went out with Keith again. Did alot of "crazy" things!!! =X

Played dota with him(don wish to write bout it anymore)

Miraculously, I ended up in bed. Not knowing what happened.. I think I dozed off and sleep walked to my bed :P. I think my bro shut down the com for me lolx. Leaving DarkSh1t alone =X

Getting rot by understanding"s".. One become two, godly.. I would like to focus on the first one.
Boy to Boy easier :D but Boy to Girl is err _________ =.="""

Touching my assignments real soon.. Tomorrow Amaths, have to sleep early =.=".
Wonder wad will happen when school reopens... Work? Term 4 is gay piece of shit
EOY is definitely a pure "ownage" Haven even start planning wad I want to do yet..
Now I think life is boring for me... BORING! School reopens, Alex is dead LOL jkjk

*Let Alex drown into the sea of "MISUNDERSTANDING"..* =.="""

Working Life =.=

2008-09-03T04:46:00.006Z

Giving out flyers is F**KING GAY.. 6000flyers in one day is beyond godlike... But somehow Keith and me managed to complete it :D(12.57am approx.) 1k flyers for 10bucks.. =.=""" Sorry Keith for making you to wait so long =X. After that day, I realised I'm more conscientious, oh wow....(somehow)

Class outing was okok... Watch "money no enough 2" again! Thanks Yong Kiat! Celebrated Teacher's Day too :D!

Holiday over soon :) :(. End of Year Examination comin!!!! SCREW IT! Damn sian... Faint***

Giving out flyers is fun(with friends), but I'm never doing it again.. A job too "gay" for me..

The trueself of me is beginning to show out... The confidence and capabilities I wield is beyond what I expected it to be... Maybe I did not show it out.. Jan-Aug is alex, Aug- _______ is another ALEX!

I love my new specs man! COOL!!! Cause due to my senile old brain, I forgot where I placed my old black and white specs. ROAR ';.;'

However, I'm stucked in a stupid misunderstanding!!! Gayness.. Not just any stupid misunderstanding.. I was too careless!!!! Damn depressing... I cannot be apathetic bout it.. Cause I dunno how to resolve this misunderstanding..

Wow.. My "optimism" increased... Benevolence>Malevolence XD. I'm starting to ponder over, what's so bad about being a free-thinker! Some say we are pitiful cause we have nothing to believe in. We definitely believe in something that they dont! I believe in myself, time and nature! I let nature take its own course! Somehow, I also believe in "fate" Christianity is definitely something that I cannot comprehend.

Been long since I blog.. I thought today was 4th sept =X. Haven plan 4 my day~ Maybe, do abit of my homework. Cause last minute is even gayer.

After exams, its time to resume my guitar. Been long since I last touched.. Miss the touch! Cause I cannot study when I guitar..

I glad I met a good "guy". I thought he belongs to the typical "bnet" type of people. He further impressed me when I was playing with him yesterday. Your a good guy!

Misunderstanding, the only prob I have with now! Damn it man! I will think of a way, bout solving this piece of crap. All thanks to my _____. Curse him! Alex is fainting****

~Contradict~

2008-08-14T09:40:00.004Z

I'm still stucked, omg he still blames me for being ______. Hes trying to inculcate that into my head and make sure i remember it for life.. Total gayness, omg la.. Its making my hair stand everytime he repeat what he said. Repetition... Gonna burst in no time... Its not my fault la..
"Alex, ni zhi dao ni zuo le she mo" I'm like... Its not as if I want that to happen. He should be happy that I'm honest and frank enough to tell him that. Yes and hes hampering my "progress" to do what I "wish" to.

Today chinese, at least I enjoyed myself.. Its nice to chat, cause its so long since I have a nice chat with my friends. Hand in my work and GG. Comes english. Oh shit I haven do my comprehension yet... Oh man sucks!

Boring..... Miss Loh is always humourous with her "hand-actions" It's actually kinda cute, however, there are people who actually find it disgusting..

~In-Extremis~

2008-08-12T16:01:00.003Z

Contradiction.. Contradiction.. Contradiction... Certainly, I'm in a disoriented situation. Friendship, can be fragile... Zhong Hsun gave me a ironical answer, which I never expected him to. Of course, not fragile, we are still friends. Certainly he's not happy about it, I may be the one who is oblivious. Friendship to me, is a thing that cannot be comprehended. They are precious... Be it malevolent or benevolent.. Fortunately, not the polarity between it :)

Wonder what will happen tomorrow when I see him again. Probably we will have less words to say for each other. Perhaps, I'm the "passive" one here. Definitely, it's too vague to explain with that word. I seriously dread for tomorrow.. I yearn to go back to the past, as I reminisce about the past.

~Bewildered~

2008-08-10T17:37:00.003Z

OH CRAP! I'm having a contradiction. Guilt and despair, tormenting me, damn confused. How am i supposed to explain to him =="". I'm "well screwed-up" this time, time will tell. I'm confused by the polarity between "malevolence" and "benevolence". Ironic huh.. That may not be the answer, just dont know what caused it. Perhaps, I know.

Yesterday when to see fireworks, it was kinda nice and fun..

Sorry Lewis! I'm now forbided to go to church, unfortunately. I think what I said to my mum had intrigued her too much, and as a result, she prohibits me to go to church. Ah well, pessimistic as usual.

Zhong Hsun shocked me on friday.. SURPRISINGLY!!!! I think he ate wrong medicine and became so "matured"??!!? He's always so infantile, teasing people and whatever lame craps he can possibly do. The sms he sent me was totally different. I suspect is not him, so i test him. AND ITS REALLY HIM. If he continue being such a "matured" boy, he might be able to get the______he wants.. I must say, he has got GOOD TASTE... But he faces stiff competitiveness(seriously)

I haven even started on my assignment yet..

~~HURRAY

2008-08-05T09:49:00.002Z

Been long since I last blog!!! 8 August sure is a busy day for me, filming to do(can ride on bicycle!! wooooo), vietnam stalls & etc. Darshen seems so stressed up for some reason, maybe its "purely" pessimism.. Fortunately for me, I'm not involved in the "Council Cheer Leader".

Today Ms Tay not in school, its quite "relaxing". At least there are work for us to do. I have to thank Yan Hui(not YUAN) for guiding me in maths. My maths always suck to the core, I am just VERY slow. Tzu Quan was quite "bitchy" today, he kept spraying water into my ear. This is TOTAL GAYNESS!!! He better watch out tomorrow, maybe not. Cant be bothered to do so either.

Today, I smsed "her" cause I need to ask for Raja's nunber. "Hu r u? Whats ur purpose for calling?" My heart was pierced RIGHT THROUGH by a "Cupid's Arrow". Then I reply Alex:(, and then sent me the number. =.="""""!@@!@!~~

BYE

------------------

2008-07-25T05:58:00.001Z

Been long since I last blogged... Today PC lesson was boring but intriguing at the same time, because I dont really like the PC lesson today. Its bout "Breaking Barriers", how long will this thing last? Basically the lesson is how avoid getting intimate and saying no to negative peer pressure. Then Zhong Hsun and Yong Kiat said that I'm so enthusiastic about this lesson.. But I rather have this than assembly.

Yesterday was a horror to me, Zhong Hsun nearly got me into a stupid misunderstanding.. He wrote something on my notepad(not to be exposed). Then I taped it and teared the piece of paper. ASTONISHINGLY, I did not expect my classmates to be so inquisitive. They took the "pieces" of paper and tried to find out whats the content. Then Tzu Quan took a paper and literally use a pencil and colour to get a better contrast... He mistook the letters!!! I was fake it out as if hes correct.. Hmmmm, am I convincing enough? He seems convinced to me.. I was so relieved that he did not managed to... If this leaks out, I will be popular. Anyway, the content is pure retardedness.

Later will be going gym with Lewis, as usual.. It has become part of my routine, I will feel weird if I dont go gym for a week. It's now part of my habit and lifestyle..

-------------

2008-07-25T05:42:00.002Z

Retarded Day

2008-07-16T16:00:00.003Z

I was greatly pissed off today.. Whats wrong with Lewis' friends.... Been so long since I played... I dont wish to play one.. Somehow I was literally dragged in by Lewis... Played dota with them, halfway Lewis disconnected somehow. After all the playing we lost.. Then they started to get cocky... What the hell man.. Must freaking spoil my mood one... As if they never lose before like that... Dota is not a game that's just based on one's skill... Its not something glamorous... Wanna be haughty? At least be superior first... Ah whatever.. Maybe they are not that bad la.... MAYBE

Great maths quiz tomorrow, I gonna screw it up... Sigh... It would be a miracle if I pass it, I just cant do maths and chinese... Most people can do maths so well, I'm one of the exception. I just treat it as a blessing in disguise:). Tomorrow I'm like so busy.... Suddenly I'm like so busy.... Friday go gym with Lewis(maybe).. Saturday CIP.... Sunday empty:D!

Yong Kiat was so worried and exasperated today... I bet tomorrow too.. A rumour spread between Yuan Hui and Yong Kiat.. Dont believe the rumour, its all rubbish and childish SHITS.
I will rape the person who started this rumour by STUFFING 10LOLIPOPS into his/her mouth.
Thats my way of rapping someone, creative huh jkjk.

Racial Harmony Day.... Not sure will I be representing my class... I'm neutral bout it... Darshen like so impressed when I wore that costume. "WOW, Alex you can wear ar?" Always calling me a fat pig... Think hes too skinny thats WHY... Welll, its him and his PERFECTION... I wonder how hes gonna dress up for magicbox... Might be a shock in a lifetime.. I was oblivious about getting the collared shit.. Luckily Yong Kiat reminded me... Buying one this Saturday... I bet Raja gonna be Green-Man hohohoho.....

Today went to Dental.... The drill is gay, pain sia... The oppointment I totally forgotten bout it LOL... Senile already.. Today geography presentation screwed up.. Because I TOTALLY forgot what I had done... And I cant read her hand-writing... My brain memory full.... Somehow I totally neglected Physics..

May tomorrow be a good day

The Unexpected Day

2008-07-15T15:14:00.005Z

Racial Harmony Day is coming!!!! Darshen....... Made me wear a "malay" costume(not sure the name) to show to Ms Tay.. OMFG!!!!!! So hard to wear the costume lor...
"ALEX!!!! IT SUITS WELL ON YOU! WHY NOT YOU REPRESENT!?" I dont mind representing my class.. Just that i'm bit shy... It's time to be more bold! What a good way to kick-start my day.

Today missed Emaths AWWWWW.. Being held by Council stuff again....... Oh great I screwed my Emaths quiz 8/20... Sigh, my brain just cant "adsorb" maths. Ignorant in maths... I think it's my impression of maths.. I will try to change my impression of mathematics, I think it would be better. "LOVE MATHS LOVE MATHS LOVE MATHS"

My brother is getting fatter and fatter... Being a dumb duck infront of the com.. Playing WOW!!!!
Sigh..... Addiction.... Screwed up... Somemore WOW has this system got "Ventrilo". This program allows them to communicate online VERBALLY.. HOLYSHIT! This will tempt him more..... I should not have introduced this game to him. My sister always blame me..... "DI ar... ZZZ why you must recommend him this stupid game"(my sis) I never even recommend him... I try the game only.. His attitude getting more and more impatient.. "Patience is a virtue"

SephClown~

Another Typical School Day

2008-07-14T13:29:00.006Z

Hmmmmm... Today went for an enrichment program, typical school day as usual.

My chemistry test sure suck! I thought I was the lowest in the class 13/20D:
Hehehe somehow I wasnt..

The enrichment program was kinda intriguing, my general characteristics are steady and stable.
Somehow i agree with it, but not exactly.. I dont think my greatest fear is losing my security... I have changed I must admit.

Today something really IRONIC and ASTONISHING happened! I stared at Darshen's cosmetic product in gnaw.... "Alex I've brought your face-cream, let me help you apply!" That was approximately 6.55am.. I was like WHAT THE?!?!!?!?!?!?! No way I gonna apply those things... But since he brought it.. I would be abit "vice" if I reject hes offer.. In the process, she came! I flinched and quivered, I did not want her to know.. Kinda excruciating.. My face turned scarlet red... "Soon your face will be like mine" He has better complexion thats of course.. Hes the only person in this class who wants to be a "celebrity". I think thats quite suitable for him, as I see that he has the ability and values to strife in that area.(hopefully, based on Seph's judgement) He also helped Alex Ong to apply.... Such a coincidence..
Getting adept in my new lifestyle and idiosyncrasies. My brain getting "senile", I do not know why. Because I tends to be forgetful and frivolous sometimes.. I'm not as nonchalant as before.
I'm like more bold than before... I have to adjust my childishness and quit being ignorant at times.

Be Right BACK

New Lease Of My Lifestyle

2008-07-08T08:35:00.003Z

Woah man.......~~~~~ After long time of not updating my post.. Today, I suddenly got the inspiration to blog once again!!! HURRRAYYYY!!

Frankly, my idiosyncrasies and attitude have changed. My confidence coming back to me:), better not "rejoice" too soon.

My school starting up a carnival at National Day Eve at Sembawang CC...... Externally, its a wonderful thing. However, internally, its not as good as it seems to be... Awwww... Have to sell tickets over the three days off. Guess wad..... I totally forgotten bout it! I only realised it until I stepped into the school gate.... Luckily, things today were not as demanding:D. Hah! I was kinda glad when tricia said she wanted to buy 5tickets.. Rather ironic huh O.o? I truly appreciate her thoughts, but don't think time is enough... Tomorrow like must give le... Forget it! Its the thought that counts.

Back to the main topic, COMMERCIAL BREAK OVER!

My lifestyle changed so much that I even have the "urge" to go to gym.. Enough of being a "sitting duck" infront of the computer. Brought a new book to occupy my free time. Kinokuniya sure rocks big time! Basically is just to minimise my usage of the COMPUTER.. Getting bonded well with Lewis(that mickey bastard) He may seems lazy, or rather HES EXTREMELY lazy(lazy to the bones). Hes quite "charismatic" in my point of view. Hah, time will tell!!! I was further intrigued by †"Christianity"†, seems powerful O.o. Its extremely intricating for a "free-thinker" like me to understand. Even she's so STRONGLY influenced by it. Guess I should stop my current objective. Because she's so jubilant now, I can't bring myself to do it.. I can only desire and admire her. "Divine Trinity"?? Hmm... Probably be so. Christianity let me reminicise about the past. I dont find any link in that.. Perhaps, is a "hidden" phenomenon still kept in my heart. Thats for me to explore it out... Going to gym is fun and tedious at the same time. I don't think it will not be fun without a companion with you. They motivate and give you moral support to push yourself. Also, they helps to reach your potentialO.O.

Warcraft 3 now is filled with "pissers"... They must delibrately spoil my mood to play... Vulgarities, bitching, scolding, showing off. Seriously man.... Why would this typicals want to show off when they aint even superior?(Supercilious? I see none! They aint good and they wanna be haughty...) Been long since I played it, too busy... Perhaps...

Past few months, I think I'm a twit.... Because of stupid reasons and shits...

My Dairy

Everything For the Greater Cause

Depressed

Give Up

Verge of "Extremis"

God, perhaps let me like/love no one.

‡RESOLVE‡

:/

Back to Typical School Life SIGH

Gayish

Working Life =.=

~Contradict~

~In-Extremis~

~Bewildered~

~~~~~~HURRAY~~~~

------------------

-------------

Retarded Day

The Unexpected Day

Another Typical School Day

New Lease Of My Lifestyle

~~HURRAY