Flashbacks

Heart-wretching... Totallyyyy disgusted and disappointed... She tore the neoprints gaynesss...... But I realize there is a contradiction.... She is like so CONFUSED! The tear but her album still got =.=""". I kept having flashbacks of her mannnnn dont know why is that so...... Frankly I realllreallyreally love her ALOT... I wish I dont love her anymore so I can have to suffer so much. Up till now my life is still screwedup like nothing =.=. Is like everyday see her have flashbacks.. Then I will be uber sadd....

Lost all of my courage and confidence.. Yea this not me(people who know me).. Hahhhhh my confidence COURAGE all gone... No idea how am I going to muster up enough courage lol..... I remembered last time she said "your not as courageous as I thought to be" Its like zzzz I do not know how to answer her question la...

Playing WoW to neglect social life??? Nah that's not my style but I do play for lesisure. I believe that my love for her is also a instinct... "Love Instinct" :D. So I trust my instinct that I would touch her one day...

She really means alot to me(ironic from a person like me right). I'm not giving up DUH. Though I'm totally dishearted :(. There's always failure just accept it lol... Maybe now she also no feeling le... But people say not so fast de.... She told me I'm not convincing enough... She dont trust me.. That moment I have the intention to cut myself infront of her to show her how much i actually care for her.. I only know that's the way kinda dumb right. I swear I'm not afraid to hurt myself for her sake.... If you really love her, you would'nt be afraid when ur life is endangered.. Yea man fold hearts cut my hand bleedbleed haha careless me rofl... I dont feel any pain seriously, for its worth it.. I dont mind getting myself cut more. That's how love can turn one person.. "Power of Love is indeed one of the strongest.. Still argue with my brother because of her lol... Still got many others but its too personal. You know exam question circle true of false.. If this kind of question appears I feel like circle all TRUE to show her how TRUE AM I :). Since she think boys are playboys... But then again I'm afraid that this will make her more angry and give her stress... Yeayea saying proves nothing basically.. DOING IT IS ALL THAT MATTERS......

She thinks that this freaking stupid problem that i loathe so much cant be solved... Hah... Take time huh? Ah crapo... Maybe I just suck(pure) as a boyfriend o well... That's not for me to say haha :D.. And her answer is ALWAYS CONTRADICT!!!!! So I see hopesssss.... This shows that she is confused haha.... I'm very relieved that this problem is not pertained to me(negative ways) :D. I committed myself fully haha....

I planned all sort of surprises for her... The bloody moment she saw me she avoid me.. The heck man this just sucks to the core..... I'm not truly happy.. Secc3 life sucks like nothing...... I wanna turn back time....... Hope that one day I would move her with my sincerity.... I took more than 7days to prepare... It was all for naught.. But that's ok... That will not deter me, my love for her. She's the only one I love... No one no one.... Almost everynight I shed tears haha such a crybaby... Sometimes I really wanna diediedie.. Why must I love her thoughts like that... Because she knows how much pain tears it can bring, I want to find a smile in your transparent eyes as I search for the definite meaning in them....

I dont see her stress anymore... I'm happy and relieved too... Up till now I still cannot forget her... Why must let our relationship end in such a wayyy... Its not worth it =.= both of us have to suffer in the process...... Everyday keep looking the stuff she gave me lol emo? Then flashbacks come.... Which in a sense empowered me haha :D.. Give up??? Nah not in my life time haha... I will be a real dumbass to give u[ seriously... Frankly... I dont 100% understand her situation la.. Why she want a breakup.. The reason is not because of me la.. The heckk... So gayyyy.. Then she made lies to make me lose hope in her.. Yea right as if I believe her lies.... The contradiction is so manifested... So I dunno what step to take next..

I will keep tryinggg.. No wonder how demoralize and stress I maybe... I will perservere and see sunlight again... So.. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS MIDST OF DARKNESS... DONT GIVE UP ALEX TAY! duh.... Wun give up duhh... First time i so bloody serious in stuff =X

Time:11.21pm
Your the gazing star of my existence(my love)
Although it will be good if these feelings found the way into your heart without me needing to speak a word. Because now I can embrace every word that you said. I'm sure we will come close to each other. I guess that's love